Saturday, 10th April '04
Ain't That Fresh?
Well. I had a good day mugging and out with Ave (and having my organiser vandalised beyond recognition). I was all ready to come home and write a nice Musing about a bit of that and about my dismal studying habits and rave madly about the Clay Aiken version of "Solitaire" (which, incidentally, completely knocked my socks off! Tzzzoooo... I swear this will convert you! *kicks into fangirl mode*). Basically I was going to show you all the nice, happy, humourous bits of me that you've all been privy to in this website over the last year or so.
Unfortunately for us all, I got interrupted by... Civil War.
"What we've got here is failure to communicate.
Some men, you just can't reach.
So you get what we had here last week.
Which is the way he wants it.
Well, he gets it.
And I don't like it anymore than you do." -- Guns N' Roses, "Civil War"
For anyone who actually knows what the problem is (or at least can guess at it)... I didn't make these lyrics up! But it's uncanny how well they fit.
I'm quite sure I'm basically a nice person, and I am upset, not so much over this "civil war", but the fact that it has made me act completely unlike myself. I complain a lot about it, I actually get angry and irritable about it (not something I'm prone to do), and I both despise and dismiss its primary perpetrator. It's pathetically hateful. It's sad that much as I try, I really can't be much of a saint about it and turn the other cheek and do what Jesus did and pray for his forgiveness because he knows not what he does. I'm just not that good. But it's times like these that I am reminded of how imperfect I am, and how much further I have to go.
And with all this studying going on, I suppose it's nice to know that even the law recognises the need for "compassion for human frailty" (R v. Hayward) in provocation and duress.
I also realise that I have quite a propensity for violence and vengence. Again, quite sadly. I've tried to be nice, really! But...
"Ain't that fresh?
I don't need your civil war."
I try hard to be nice. But listen. Don't provoke me. I don't take kindly to it and I am more than able to protect myself. I know when it's time for buggers to, well, bugger off. I can quote you brilliant secondary and probably primary authority to prove that "one man's rights end where another's nose begins". And there is definately someone way to close for comfort. So don't blame me if your stink stimulates a sneeze and you suffer all the accompanying respiratory spray. It's a reflex action for me, borne out of the instinct for self-presevation, and it'll be entirely your own fault.
In terms of punishment, I am quite a retributivist (haha, too much Legal Theory assignment. Gah.) However, when it comes to my personal business I am not much of a lex talionis fan. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth? Not me. I will hold out as long as I can - just don't try your luck. Go too far and I will just finish you off once and for all. Being a retributivist doesn't preclude acknowledging utiltarian principles. And I believe in effective remedies. Incapacitation, deterrence, hopefully rehabilitation. I will administer them all in one go.
Again, I must apologise to everyone else for the grumpy, angry tone that has infiltrated this website. I now promise that this is the end of my responses to the "civil war". I have better things to do with my life. I will not stoop to that level beacause it simply isn't worth it... joining the barbarians. From now on I will be good ol' positive the webmistress you all know and love. *chuckle* You DO love me, don't you? *puppy-dawg eyes*
"What's so civil about war anyway?"
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]