Wednesday, 15th September '04

One For The Money And The, Free Rides.

The following is a product of a slightly deranged mind, driven round the brink of sanity by the cumulative effect of
(a) the sudden resurgence of an annoying, 37.5 degree will-not-go-away fever
(b) the agony of copying / formatting / skimming through 36 pages worth of statutory provisions from the Singapore Companies Act and 10 pages worth of recommendations from the Singapore Code of Corporate Governance
(c) the fact that in the absence of my darling little Laptop, my spawn-of-the-Devil Desktop is determined to make my life a living hell Ė i.e. it has shut down 5 times in the course of typing the few words above
(d) the stress of the impending Affidavit of Evidence in Chief / Principles of Property Law Assignment / Company Law Assignment that
it has hanging over its head.

See? Even my blogging reads suspiciously like Parliamentary legislation. Long-winded, rambly and useless to the average citizen.

But anyhow, since Iíve clogged my mind with so much legalese and hopefully a little real information, I might as well vent some of the resultant pent-up frustration on the hapless little boyband, Blue. Oh and Babs, I hate to tell you this, but theyíre finally coming to our SARS-free Singapore.

Ok, make that 6 times Ė that the computer has shutdown spontaneously, that is. To steal a word coined for the upcoming Martyr limited edition villain poster, FISHY FISHCAKES.

So here I go, pulling a little Seth Cohen - i.e. being geeky and sarcastic.

All Rise

Yo, yo,
Yo, yo.

[Um, yes, why did we ever bother starting our submissions with ďMay it please the courtÖĒ It appears that court might actually prefer a more succinct approach. Or maybe this isnít a mooting trial, and things go differently in an advocacy hearing. I wouldnít know enough yet.]

Your honour please, gotta believe what I say.
[Iím not sure the advocate in question has trained his witness properly. In fact, Iím not sure witnesses even speak directly to the judge.]
What I will tell, happened just the other day.

I must confess, 'cause I've had about enough. I need your help, gotta make this here thing stop.
[Ah. The equitable remedy of an injunction.]

Baby I swear I'll tell the truth, about all the things you used to do.
[Nonono, DONíT address opposing counselís witness.]
And if you thought you had me fooled, I'm telling you, objection overruled.
[I canít remember the actual name for the relevant objectionÖ thought I sure I saw it on the Practice at some point. Still, Iím very sure witness is stepping way out of line.]

Here we go, oh baby.
[I put it to you, witness, that you are mentally unfit to give testimony.]

One for the money and the, free rides,
[Claiming damages in the form of reliance interests, I think. But I canít identify a clear contract. Perhaps if Plaintiff and Defendant had been married we might have something to talk about.]
It's two for the lie that you, denied,

All rise, All rise.
[Now Iím sure thatís a job for the bailiff.]

Three for the calls that you've, been making,
[Harassment. Sorry man, we have that common law tort in Singapore since Malcomson & Anor v. Naresh Kumar Mehta. Your country, on the other hand, has gotten stuck on the subject since Khorasandjian v. Bush, so youíd better hope you have the right locus standi to be making this claim.]
It's four all the times you've been faking,
[More misrepresentation?]

All rise, All rise.
[Shut up already.]

I'm gonna tell it to your face, I rest my case.
[But butÖ youíve only laid out your claimÖ you havenít adduced any evidence!! By the way, is this witness also his own advocate?]

You're on the stand, with your back against the wall,
Nowhere to run, and nobody you can call.

[What do you think this is, Who Wants to be a Millionaire?]

I just can't wait, now the case is open wide,
[I take it both Plaintiff and Defendant have opened their cases]
You'll try to pray, but the jury will decide.
[Does UK still have jury trials? I canít remember. And donít you have to close your case before any decisions are made? Civil procedure and all that. This isnít no voir dire.]

So step back, 'cause you don't know this cat.
I know deep down that, you don't want me to react.
I'll lay low, leaving all my options open,
The decision of the jury has not been spoken.

[Ooh, suspense, sia!]

Step in my house, you find that your stuff has gone, but in reality,
[Substance, not form? I don't understand this case, so I'm grabbing at straws here.]
to whom does the stuff belong?
[I worry for this witness. Here heís claiming damages AND an equitable remedy, but Iím not sure his actions have been entirely conscionable. Heís probably saying he gave stuff to his live-in girlfriend, and now heís taking it all back. Could fall under the definition of theft / conversion unless heís her landlord and has applied for an action in distress for unpaid rent. Which is not very likely.]
I bring you into court, to preach my order,
[Hoping this is going to be a ground-breaking case, I see. For Plaintiffís sake I hope Lord Denning is sitting in on this one.]
Any you know that you overstepped the border.
[Last minute he tries to work in physical trespass. Not going to sit very well with the court, I can tell you.]

What you say, games you play, what you've done, when you're gone.
[Oh man, this action is SO going to be dismissed with costs.]

One for the money and the, free rides,
It's two for the lie that you, denied.
All rise, All rise.
Three for the calls that you've, been making.
It's four all the times you've been faking.
All rise, All rise.
I rest my case.

[Yeah, whatever.]



en ying snapped a shot of life @ 01:39 am
[6 photographs developed.]


6 photographs developed.

ee kean:

hey, en ying. I was doing a google on Jason Hahn and ur blog popped out. Talk about serendipity. Great to know that ur also a fan of his tales of Saffy, Amanda and Pooch. And I thot I was the only one who would start flipping 8 days from the back. smile

en:

haha, that's so wierd! i thought i was the only one too! LOL and i always seem to bump into you in strange ways...

ave:

i enjoyed this entry in a very "jeez, i know what shes talking about!" way.

limz:

um..ok that was super lawyear talk with blue infused into it.. *whatever* glad to know u are fine

en:

update: on the point of the plaintiff/witness/advocate being the landlord and taking an action in distress - i have just realised it's not possible. there could have been no tenancy at all. since the presumption is that they were living together, she didn't have exclusive possession and this almost certainly (short of the Facchini exceptions) means a licence. Oh wait... this might just fall into the Facchini category of act of friendship... oh, Property Law confuses me.
I give up.

cher:

I completely agree with Ee Kean. I was doing a search on Jason Hahn too and stumbled across your blog.
I love his writing! smile





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