Sunday, 20th March '05
And So It Goes
Well. I'm probably blogging out of duty more than anything else, because ever since about 2 weeks ago I've been feeling in such a state of "I-have-so-much-to-say-but-I-can't-say-it-in-a-way-that-makes-it-right".
Ah Kong's passing on horrible and beautiful, tragic and joyful all at once. It made me understand things in a way I never felt before. Suddenly I felt like life and death weren't so mystifying, the human spirit really wasn't all that hard to understand. Trivial pursuits or movies and "Desperate Housewives" weren't issues any longer. For the first time in my life I felt I had to handle something and I couldn't rely in anyone else for help with it, and I had to deal with images stuck in my brain that I didn't want to be there, but I didn't want to lose either. In fact for the rest of the week life was paradox itself. The family got so much closer, but the politics also got so much more heated (I think my poor cousin Mich still doesn't quite know). I spoke a lot more to the cousins I used to barely speak to. At a time where the stratifications of family hierachy were supposed to be the most obvious (wearing the different coloured patches and plotting out the demarcations between generations and genders for the obituary), they blurred, and I felt that somehow my generation had become the adults and our parents had become the ones who needed lookng after. And we were so glad to do anything we could, even when we didn't all agree on what it was that needed to be done. I felt I knew Ah Kong more after the wake than all the time he was around, and even at a time we were supposed to be mourning, the indomitable human spirit kept the jokes about needing to stock up on tissues / bets on the money collections coming.
So everything was pretty much surreal and spaced out for a while, and at least I'm glad to say things are coming together rather nicely, at the end of it all.
And on a lighter note, thanks to Qiong for yet another of her quizes... whatever in the world the result means.
I'm loving angels instead.
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]