Saturday, 16th July '05
Qiong finds my miserable condition hilarious. So here's more fodder for the snigger-ers. Ok I'm hyping it up a bit. I'm not really in any critical condition, I don't have tetanus, and the discomfort is quite bearable. No worries.
But here's the deal. I somehow ended off this nice relaxing week with a lockjaw-esque condition. Alright, a bit of internet research reveals it's officially called Temporomandibular Joint Disorder. Kaoz. Such an important-sounding name for such a stupid little business.
Essentially, the Temporomandibular Joint is inflamed / swollen / overstrained / going on strike indefinitely.
On the last weekend of the Sydney trip my right TMJ started getting a bit creaky. Nothing spectacular, I always have it a bit creaky at odd moments. Usually it'll pop back into place within the day or so. No go; by the time I was back in Singapore I was SURE there was a significant discomfort. Another day and when I opened my mouth to make a breakfast of a Truffles Tim Tam my darling TMJ responded with a howling "NOOO!" - in TMJ language this translates into the sound of creaking hinges and jolt of pain - I was sure there was something up.
The problem with TMJ (now also affectionately known as "TaMadeannoyingandstiff Joint") is that he tends to get into a better mood by afternoon. So lunch (instant noodles and a chicken drumstick) was not a major obstacle. But the durians Dad brought home that evening were another matter - I was reduced to a dainty, ladylike nibbling-around-the-edges since giving the whole seed an "Inside Deep Throat" experience was not an option.
Another two days in which TMJ wound his panties tighter and tighter (that's a metaphor, folks) and today there was significant pain in crunching away at my oat-prawn's heads. To cut a long story short, my Dad had always been sure the pain would go away, but TMJ today wasn't to be denied his moment of glory. TMJ decided, and let me know early this afternoon, that until he was happy I would not be allowed to open my jaws any wider than 2 finger-spaces apart. That's lockjaw, by my standards.
Didn't help that I spent the afternoon watching a couple of gripping episodes of "Lost", so teeth clenching became a part of the afternoon too. TMJ didn't like that either.
Right, but I was talking about the oat-prawns. That was the last straw lah. If Hian-Ko makes such good food and I can't eat it there must be a problem. Quick decision to march down to Uncle James' (my cool, MC-spewing doctor uncle) clinic for some help. But first I finished watching Dadi and Uncle Fa torturing Hua-jie with their affections and lamenting the sheer moronic nature of the fact that Dahai didn't just kick Fyn's ass and go home to his (equally moronic) wife.
So once "Tong Xin Yuan" was over, Uncle James pronounced darling TMJ's problem. TMJ was either unhappy that I:
[a] Had eaten a lot of something exceptionally chewy and tough over the past few days (oh gawd, the rump steaks!);
[b] Had done some sort of wierdo mouth exercise (couldn't be the durians Inside Deep Throat, could it?);
[c] Had talked too much (no shit, really?); OR
[d] Had picked up a habit of grinding my teeth at night, a stress-related event (not entirely absurd, seeing as how I cleared 68 emails threads from my Inbox recently).
I don't honestly care why TMJ is acting up. The point of this whole spew is that I have to eat MUSH for the next TWO WEEKS AT LEAST, THREE IF I'M UNLUCKY and INDEFINITELY IF I'M DESTINED TO GO ON A VERY HARSH DIET. Uncle James had this before (crap, could be heriditary since Dad has creaky jaw too), it lasted a YEAR. Good grief. So it's minced meat and porridge until TMJ is back on his feet again.
Oh yes, MINCED MEAT AND PORRIDGE. So screw the Jack's Place dinner I had planned to take Daddy on for his birthday. The best part? Uncle James says NO TIM TAMS.
*bursts into tears*
Instead of Tim Tams, I now get to take muscle relaxants and vitamin B1 for breakfast. I guess this also rules out the Koko Krunch.
The probable consequences of disobedience are really too dire for me to play around with. Apparently if TMJ pulls any more hissy fits and I don't give in and give him his rest, it could result in me seeing a dental surgeon to wire my jaw - a fate that, judging from Mum's reaction and Uncle James' expression, might well be worse than death.
And tonight I just surrendered the pack of Weather's Orginal Chewy Toffee to Mum. Bugger it, at least she and Daddy will enjoy them. Mum was very happy to pinch them off my desk - says I got no use for them anymore, which is of course the truth.
A childish part of me wonders if I can get off brushing my teeth for a while since the whole procedure IS rather tiresome when your mouth won't open at will. After all if it's that much work and the doctor ordered rest... but I guess a toothache wouldn't make the situation any more fun. Ah well. At least I can still nibble daintily around the edges of my durian seeds!
[9 photographs developed.]
u are damn funny. i think u've got a bit of a drama mama streak in you enz. hahah hope TMJ rests well. i can so imagine u gleeful mum nicking ur werther's original chewy toffee !
wa. i haven seen a single person in my life with tmj. well, on the bright side, u do get to take advantage of all the handicapped lots now... bwahaha. wa, my karma-meter juz dipped.
Hello! I hope it goes away soon! I rather like porridge actually -- apparently there is this place in Clarke Quay which does 72 different kinds. You should patronise it; by the time you've worked your way through all of them you'll be better!
[ht] hanting, is that you? you evil creature.
in general though, this isn't all that bad. i managed to eat prawn mee ( a bit overcooked so noodles nice and squishy) for breakfast, snack on durian puffs for lunch / tea and have a whole billy bomber's all star burger for dad's bday dinner (ground beef patty, you see, just have to cut everything else into small small pieces), so it's going pretty much alright still.
haven't actually had any porridge yet, amazingly! but that 72 porridge place sounds quite exciting. *slurp*
eh i was actually not planning to laugh k. but you had to write somethign like that. *ROTFLMAO* good one. and take care, hope TMJ leaves soon ^^/
my blog is ready for inspection ma'm!
hhah dajie..jer so loves his latest bs entry ! go read it it's a great job! hope all is well at home!
BUT THAT ALSO MEANS YOU CAN'T NAG US ABOUT TECH CLASS!!!
Oh wait, I forgot about the "hopefully the longest mail" series you had going on.
Get well soon!
hello. I know I'm a hypocrite, but where is the update? What have you been up to? ??? Hope you are better by now! (Drop by my blog for a tale of a weekend).