Saturday, 3rd December '05
"Sometimes I Wonder What Goes On in that STUPID LITTLE BRAIN."
Hahahaha... I'm still laughing thinking about that line, Em. I think it will mainly be Emma who this entry will tickle the most, but folks back home should also get a good laugh!
It all began when, against my own better (read: exam-oriented) judgment, I went to the Mexican dudes' house party on friday night. Hey, I had to see what a house party looks like - considering as the house parties here are nothing like our parties back home. For one, ANYONE can just turn up at the house - quite far from being like our typical "by invitation only" gatherings at home. Out of the three people who owned the house, I knew a grand total of... none. It was kinda funny... I was telling this to Qiong before I left and she was like "Well. I hope you at least know the people you're going with!" It's just so conceptually different.
The next difference - B.Y.O. alcohol. House parties back home might have alcohol or they might not. The alcohol (unless you're Jem or Desmond) is usually symbolic and social... doesn't really matter. But after 3 months in Halifax - 3 months of being corrupted and conditioned to the culture - it's actually become rather hard to conceive of anything being fun if it doesn't have a splash of vodka in it. (Kai, Bert, Dage Heng... don't worry, I'm not an IT. I'm still famous for non-drinking. Right, Em? Please help me assauge the fears of the folks at home.) In anycase, I have Emma to thank for the introduction to the Galliano? Guillianno? - OK. Forget it. I'm dyslexic. The FRENCH VANILLA LIQUER. Kai, even YOU will like this, I swear.
But generally that's the house party. Standing around, drinking, dancing a bit, watching people making out in the dark, drinking, standing, talking... did anyone say drinking? I suppose, drinking aside, it wasn't the most fun party. Especially when it got to a point that one of the hosts got so plastered he fell on the floor and then started threatening to beat another one of the hosts up (he couldn't even stand, for goodness sakes), after which 3 guys had to carry him to his room and tuck him into bed. And then Matt was dragged away from the party in an entirely different fashion - not a story I will tell here. So the fun only started, I think, upon the arrival of Halifax's most celebrated "lives-of-the party".
Bring on the G-Unit.
But before those stories start... the party had 3 parts. Front living room: dark, cleared space for dance floor, people making out in dark cleared-space dance floor. Back living room: Foosball table and punching bag for the more sports-inclined to amuse themselves. Kitchen: where you hang out in a sea of tequila shot glasses (Mexican dudes' party, after all) beer bottles (mostly empty by the time we arrived at the party at midnight - that's another difference... back home we usually clear out of the house at that time!), raid the cupboard for cups in which to mix your drink (I ended up with nursing a sizable beer glass with embarrassingly little liquer in it, eventually prompting random Germans to go "drink more, En Ying, drink more" in tones that hinted they knew it probably wouldn't happen), talk to everyone who will talk to you... and break tables.
Yes, BREAK TABLES. Let's just say that the result of Soenke (the name "Zurik" might also be used interchangably to mean the same person) and his Rudolf antlers very suavely leaning on the corner of the table was probably the most exciting thing that party saw. A table, I might add, that was the only thing holding about 20 beer bottles, 10 cans, a can of salt and parmesan cheese (salt for tequila, cheese for heaven knows what) and about 10 drinking glasses against the pull of gravity. Next thing anyone knew, the leg of the table broke clean off, its three little rusty screws shearing clean off the table top. Naturally this sent the whole kit and caboodle descending down on the kitchen floor, with all that glass sliding across the tilted table, and skiding to my feet. I was about half a metre from that table, max.
Good thing I decided to keep my boots on, or Zurik alone would very nicely have made my insurance policy worth while. I wonder what "feet covered in shrapnel" are worth. Pictures of the ensuing mess coming soon. In the meantime, this is the table after a chair was wedge under it to keep anything untowed from happening to it again.
Poor bugger had to clean the mess himself, under the watchful eyes of the sniggering G-Unit. And when the whole mess was cleaned up, he later proceeds to drop a full can of Keith's (local brew) on the rug, where it bubbled and frothed in enthusiasm and Dave and Em fumbled to get a picture of it, before sinking irretrivably into the rug. Let's just say I think I might have to retract that invitation to Singapore soon.
This was also the point in time that Hermann the German turned up with the antler-in-the-pants. That large, red, 3-pronged, furry abomination spent the rest of the night hanging out of the zipper of his jeans. It also, of course, meant that the "antler" ("dick-substitute" might not be as nice a name for it) was constantly pulled / pinched / stroked by all and sundry. Until it BROKE OFF in someone's hand. You can imagine the uproar.
No matter, really. The antlers were part of some Rudolf headgear the Gs picked up from the party they were at earlier. So there was, of course, the second antler. The trouble with this one is that everytime poor ol' Puma (that's Hermann) sat down, the antler stood to a gravity-defying attention. It's a bit difficult to have a decent conversation with him like that:
And then we just all hung around the kitchen for an indefinite period of time... up till the time the G-Unit decided the party was lame and that they should work their magic and take over the world. They're GERMANS, taking over the world isn't a concept new to them! (Although poor Dave got the finger - I mean seriously - from a hard-assed looking little German Girl for making some joke about her living in the Third Reich.) This quest for world domination began with the dark little dance floor, and me and Emma getting somehow dragged into the fray by a Zurik who decided we were "drunk enough".
Anyway, the pictures will probably tell enough of the story:
Hermann, David and Soenke on the pathetic little dance floor.
This is where the (hopefully drunken) Lukas and Dave being to force their company on a couple of poor girls. Although those girls were asking for it anyway.
Perhaps the most important parts of the male anatomy. (better known as "Never Let Zurik Take Hold of the Camera". Here we have close-up shots of Lukas' family jewels and Sebastian going for David's ass.
Hermann giving Zurik some "affection". These boys are troubling. It's another one of those times I think I've come halfway across the world to find the male species just as unevolved as back home.
Probably the centerpiece of this photospread. This is Dave with Hermann's antler in his mouth.
Err yes, by now everyone should be either pissing yourselves laughing or reeling in horror at the wonderful people I hang out with. But they're all great, really - they just get silly when drunk, but ultimately all good guys, I should think.
Anyhow, that was that for the party. We left and went to Pizza Corner (this junction which has a pizza shop on each corner, and is a frequent hangout for all drunken hungry people). And then we walked home, which is when the most hilarious thing happened. Zurik tried to wraggle cigarettes out of every bum we passed. By bums I mean the hobos begging in the street, not Smub spelt backwards. This is a guy who DOESN'T EVEN SMOKE, so I really don't know what the whole point was or why he started it (drunkeness doesn't really require explanation, I guess). Whatever it is, we were walking by and the bum, of course calls out to ask if we have spare change. And Zurik replies with "No, have you got a cigarette?"
Everyone is silent in minor horror. It's just the most absurd thing to do. And we kept walking on, mumbling things to each other in the vein of "did he just try to palm a cig of a bum?!". And then Sebastian very clearly, deliberately, sincerely and Germanly - you have to have been there to have heard it to imagine the way in which he chose the words so carefully, and enunciated each word such that it dripped with a scathing subtext, and then delivered them to the back of Zurik's head:
"Sometimes I wonder what goes on in that Stupid Little Brain."
Shit. It was as funny as BenKoh and the "Feeesshh Deeeppeerrrs". Em and I are STILL laughing about it almost 24 hours later.
[7 photographs developed.]
ok, here's an attempt at a smart-assed comment. er. ^^
anyway, i liked the reindeer bit best. ^^ you might wanna put up a R(A) warning though, for the porn simulations *grin*
okay. forgive me. it is but noon, and i am NOT a Morning Person. *bleary eyes* ^^
ah haha. I like your friends, they're such refined entertainment.
bwahahah love this entry. reminds me of my darlings in the blueys and their drunken antics
think it'll be one of those experiences that u won;t forget in a long while..=)
u sure ure not part of it all. u prob didnt put the pix up only. raunchy ah enz
I just got to that side by accident. Did not even know you had a blog! Turns out I am reading about myself and the whole Y-unit from last december Frigging hilarious! I heard Lukas is gonna meet you in Singapore. will check you out at skype the other day! Peace!
hey sebastian! haha. u didn't know? david's been reading this for ages and thinking he's probably famous in singapore by now.
yeah, looking back on this entry i realise you guys probably needed the beer cans surgically removed from your hands.
and yeah, lukas and his gf are coming... that should be fun. haven't heard from any of you 1st sem people since, like, forever. cool, skype soon!