Monday, 30th January '06
Canadian Cows, and Then Some.
Siao boh. I've spent the whole afternoon drafting my Research Assistant application, snoozing, and making honey-baked chicken. And now I'm blogging again just because it's a useful procrastination tool. I don't want to start reading Legal Accounting!
Last night's pseudo-reunion dinner with Lingwei and the angmohs (sorry I'm referring to them as a generic group of non-Chinese, but it's easier than saying "Armando, Mick, Susann, Fredrik, Rob, Anna, Soenke, Franzi, Jessica and Ulrike" - oh wait, I just did) involved a lengthy discussion of cows, registration of cows, and breeding of cows. We all now know that if you come across a cow named Micheal-Robert-Zerk, you know she's pretty much pure-bred.
Don't worry, y'all, I'll blog the reunion dinners (real and pseudo) once I get hold of the pictures. You'll get to see how the charsiew chicken turned out.
But anyhow, the whole cow discussion was just one of those random RANDOM enlightening things that you just stumble across when you interact with people from a different culture - and it reminded me of those age-old cow jokes we used to get in emails... you know, the ones that go "If you're a communist, you have two cows, your government takes both and gives you the milk"?
Everyone knows the Political Cows, so here are some Canadian Cows. I'd never seen these before, and they're quite befitting of the place I'm at. Hilarious!
You have Fifteen billion cows. One of them gets sick. The United States bans all Canadian beef products.
You have two cows. That is, two female moose. Actually, the ratio works out to about 2.5, and you assume there are the same number of male moose and female moose. Yes, there are 5 moose for every person in Newfoundland.
You have 200,000 cows. An American cow you never knew existed has mad cow. It is your fault.
(I actually wish someone could have added in a bit about oil.)
You have 200,000 cows. They dont produce any soy milk. You go out of business
You have two cows. There is no rain. They die.
You have two cows. The Red River floods and they both drown.
You have two cows. They freeze to death in November.
(And my personal favourite...)
You have two cows. They don't moo in French. You get fined.
(Those cows also probably think they belong to a different country altogether.)
And I'll add one more myself:
You have two cows. You're so ulu no one even bothers to write jokes about them.
How about some Cow Companies?
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
(While we're at it, I can't resist another of the standard jibes we have around here. Those cows also think they're damn cool, drink too much Becks, and try to take over the world. )
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
A HONG KONG CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fengshui is bad.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
I really should get back to doing something more productive. I do however, think that these cows increase one's general knowledge a bit.
[3 photographs developed.]
i like ur funny cow stuff. good for general knowledge no doubt. i like the swiss corporation one. so true.
where's the SG one?!
i shall attempt to come up with one
try as i might... i can't find anything funny to say about singaporean companies - can you?
i can say funny things about our politics, our people, our everything else... but our BUSINESS side is too perfect, efficient and non-corrupt... and hence boring.
wait - the NKF was incorporated, yes?