Wednesday, 15th February '06
Comments on the "KEK is a QIONGster" Fiasco
Singlish warning: the following content may not be suitable for
- Angmohs who don't read Singlish (though I will try and explain things as far as I can by inserting footnotes all over the place).
- Bananas or other people that have been removed from Singapore for too long *koffVickikoff* (Same thing, go read the footnotes.)
- (and this is the most important one) PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T YET SPOKEN TO QIONG AND HEARD IT FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH. This means you, Tzo. Far be it from me to be the bearer of the groundbreaking news, though the title above would probably tell you as much as you need to know.
Otherwise, everyone please feel free to leave congratulatory messages for the happy Kek-eater and Qiong-ster in our midst. This is a tribute piece anyhow, and you can dust it with moonlight and stars and slow-motion anyway you like it. (Those of you who know what I mean know what I mean.)
Part I: The Call
It all started on a lazy Sunday afternoon when En Ying-the-Bum(FN1) was, well, bumming and taking a nap. All of a sudden, the MSN message tone sounds, but I'm too lazy to even get out of bed to answer it. A few more furious MSN message tones go off and I still can't bear to get up. Phone starts ringing, and I'm left with no choice.
It's Vicki. Hmm. What's she up to on a Sunday afternoon?
V: EN YING!!!! OMIGAWD OMIGAWD OMIGAWD!!!!
E: *yawn* Wha...?
V: OMIGAWD OMIGAWD OMIGAWD!!!!
V: *squeeeeee* QIONG AND KEK! QIONG AND KEK!
E: FINALLY. After two years of wishy-washying, no balls-ing(FN2), humji-ing(FN3), boh lumpah-ing(FN4) dilly-dallying...
You kinda know how the rest of that conversation went along. It involved a lot of snide remarks about NBK - now I can officially write down what that stands for: NO BALLS KEK, because he was so completely useless when it came to the whole relationship. The long and short of it, really, is that we decided to hang up, go MSN Qiong, and get her to Skype conference call us so we could all do a lot of girly squealing together. I know, it's a rather frightening thought. But we felt like it. You have to understand, it was snowing up a storm outside and both of us were having cabin fever.
Unfortunately, we were in for a big disappointment. Qiong, in a surprisingly 重色轻友(FN5) turn of events, was off BAKING COOKIES FOR KEK.
And Vicki says: "Boooo."
Part II: MSN
All Singaporeans in the University of Michigan - and that's a Motherlot(FN6) of them - now know the news. And the great thing about the Singaporean camaraderie in UMich is that when they diao(FN7) people, they diao people with a concerted effort that's such a joy to behold. It's really amazing how many funny / rude puns you can get out of the names "Qiong" and "Kek". These are my picks of the season:
1. Give the QIONGster a KEK of Miller!
I had to explain to Vicki this pun on "Chiongster" - which is essentially a party girl / boy who enjoys the clubbing scene (i.e. someone who likes to chiong) . Presumably the Kek part is a pun on "keg".
2. Qionghui 很 KEK-sim!
To be "kek-sim" (Hokkien for "frustrated"), she would not have to be enjoying all the fun, which I'm sure she was. Heehee. Which is why my personal MSN nick said: "Qiong, don't KEK-KEK lah. You enjoy it, right?" Kek-kek sounds like the Hokkien word for "pretend".
3. Kek is sucha QIONGster, people chiong on weekends, he QIONG every night.
*hearty laugh* My personal favourite, this one. On a literary approach, it reads with very good metre; and it's also got a cheekily thrown in double entendre. Like a Shakespearan bawdy joke! My follow-up would be "So is he a GOOD QIONGster?", but this is a blog for all ages.
4. Would Qiong like a KEK of German beer?
A bit random, but you've got to understand Qiong's German obsessions and have heard the stories about how the caring boy tried to stop her from drinking this German beer because he thought she was allergic. (He may have been right, if anyone remembers the "we're high on Wonka" incident.)
5. Qiong must be feeling very KEK now that everyone is diaoing them.
Again, "kek" in this context means frustrated, and no, she wasn't. Not one bit.
6. Qiong, now you can have your KEK and eat it!
7. Too QIONG to buy a KEK!
If you pronounce "qiong" with a different tone in Chinese, you get the word "poor". So someone here is too poor to buy a cake / keg. Another varient of a similar themed nickname would be "I am QIONG, 可是我有 CAKE!" (I'm poor, but I have cake). Or "No matter how QIONG you are, you still have to pay for the ice-cream KEK."
8. "Everyone has a special CAKE waiting out there for you, you just have to QIONG for it."
Another awesome one with a double meaning. In this one "qiong" is again made to sound like "chiong", but in this context it means you have to rush to grab the things you want. My interpretation is that this reflects an appreciation of the NB-ness of NBK, and the fact that Qiong had to choing for it all on her own merit. And what a job she did too!
Part III: Valentine's Day
I have to say I was impressed. He has one ball now. The blood red roses with the black ribbon was a very smart move. The rest of the presents were acceptable (though he could go higher for creativity, but he's satisfactory for a beginner).
For the record, I'm very picky. He hasn't been chop-stamped(FN8) yet.
Part IV: Conclusion
The long and short of it: I'm glad it happened for you, you deserve to be happy, and CONGRATULATIONS, Qiong and Kek.
Sheesh, I sound like you're married already.
FN1 "Bum" - lazy-assed person who spends too much time watching the Winter Olympics / being trapped by the MSN Monster / sleeping.
FN2 "No balls" - what does this look like it means?
FN3 "Humji" - Ibid.
FN4 "Boh lumpah" - Supra, note 2. In a cruder, your mother will not like me if I said this in front of her, sort of way.
FN5 "重色轻友" - "Heavy on lust, light on friendship". Applies to anyone who chooses to do anything for significant other over doing something for a buddy.
FN6 "Motherlot" - a reference to one's parents is always a good way to create emphasis. Just means the same as "shitload", really.
FN7 "Diao" - in this context, it means to tease.
FN8 "Chop-stamp" - what your buddies / girlfriends have to do to your significant others to certify them fit to date you. I'm not too sure of the origins of this phrase, but I suspect it could have started from the days of the WWII Japanese Occupation of Singapore when the Jap solidiers lined the Singaporeans in the streets and checked them and stamped their clothes with red ink to certify them as non-dangerous civillians. Could alternatively be what they do at clubs to certify you're over the age of majority and paid cover, but I like the earlier explanation more.
[25 photographs developed.]
that is some cool entry...haha..poor qiong hui..hahaha..but i cant stop laughing myself..i am so evil...
I think Kek should have baked a cake for qiong on vday..then I wonder which "kek" would qiong choose..muahhaha
dage, the earlier tongue twister you wrote was better lah. i will now take the liberty of blogging that for you:
"Which kek would qiong choose if kek baked a cake?"
(hey, if peter piper could pick a peck of pickled peppers...)
haha... sure din expect that on my rare visits to your blog... so finally he asked her? argh! i wanna interrogate qiong! *bleah* and i must agree the blood red roses with black ribbon was a VERY smart move... wondered how he actually knew how to do the right thing finally... laughs.
baking?! - i din noe qiong can bake. hmm... wonder what happened...
and qiong, if you're reading this, you can expect me and zhihui to interrogate you when you're back! grin. looking forward to it! =)
gerri, u know what that means? it's just you and me left. and you probably have to go first. just coz i say so.
you had a shitload of fun from that didn't you? =_=
*hahahahaha* and gerri. you need to interrogate zhihui tooo kaaaaay haha
ok fine. on a side note. that was a bloody excellent post. *ROTFL*
i can't believe you left footnotes O_o you very free ah XD
well at least you didn;t' disappoint when you said you'll blog about it. ridiculously funny XD
yup en, it's just u and me left. grin. who said anything about going? u noe, i've always imagined myself as a swinging single. hehe we'll hang out together and blame the rest for being zhong se qing you! haha.
and qiong, if you can bake cookies for him, you can bake for me too! *hint hint* haha
omg..think that i've been missing quite a bit here..congrats qiongz!! And btw can somebody tell me why must zhihui be interrogated too? Am I missing more actions??!!
aww... sounds like we should meet up soon haha, miss u guys! i also want to interrogate, not be interrogated. cough.
nice one enz! CONGRATULATIONS QIONG!!
i love point number 8 best..it's my all time favourite. dont u LOVE being singaporean? u wont be able to come up with so many puns without knowledge of chinese, hokkien and english! hahah
eh help me out here man. zhihui should be interrogated toooooo ^^;;
wah. you want me to bake is ok lah, BUT i don't have an oven *LOL* so one of you will have to donate your kitchen or something *haha*
funnily enough, the comments are pretty singlishy too... on a bunch of replies...
1. yes qiong, i had a shitload of fun! heeheeheee... of course i very free lah. on exchange, sia. heng and i decided we were being very juvenile, but then we decided we also didn't give a crap. and if u need oven, i got oven. some super powderful ariston, built into the wall contraption. summer hols u're coming to bake cookies for all of us. kamxia.
2. zh, you ah, don't try and diversion-diversion me. i'm not finished with you. don't pray pray. u better zi4dong4 come and tell me EVERYTHING or i come back to singapore then you know.
3. gerri, hehh... if u're game, i'm game. i'm in no mood to get tied down right now... too much fun to have, too many places to go. but i guess we have to concede that our friends are quite good about not being zhong se qing you. well, qiong remains to be seen.
4. babs. yeah! being singaporean is very the cool. although i down here always kena diao. hahah... but i tend to be gratified that pple know of us, anyhow. no. 8 is pretty good, but i maintain the "he qiong every night" is HILARIOUS. it's just... have you SEEN kek dancing mambo?! hahahahaa... i have. cannot make it lah.
kek doesn't read this blog, does he?
oh yeah, and on the footnotes: boh pian lah. got people like vicki. she always whines at me when i say hok-chew phrases.
boh hor sng.
so fierce... O_o ya, u come back to sg then u know... amused.
if kek reads this blog i'm so dead O_o en, could you please start being nicer ^^;;;;
this is HILARIOUS!! haha, gd one enz! go qiong! haha
i like the double entrende in the 'he qiong every night' muahahahhaahahha..poor qiong. but at least we are diaoing u about good news right?
ah... heh. everyone seems to read en's blog! so convenient. here're some replies:
en - i totally agree about the 'too much fun to have, too many places to go" bit. grin. ah, as for the zhong se qing you bit, we'll bug them till they give up! (<--fair warning to qiong) *evil grin* you noe, i wanna go canada! or anywhere with winter. winter olympics made it all look so fun! hehe is vancouver anywhere near hallifax? when will you be leaving canada?
qiong - ahh. you noe, kek should read this... get to know what he's in for... before you subject him to any of us hahaha. scary thought right? and all that have been written is sorta true u noe... heh. as for the zhihui situation, tian'ai and I have interrogated her (sortof) liao... hehe. so my full attention will be on YOU! grin. better start baking those cookies! =)
zhihui - YOU! get a move on will you! i'm expecting a change in status by our next meeting k! if not, you'll hear about it endlessly during our COFM posting! *evil laughter*
AH, that settles it. thanks en for you wonderful popular blog and for letting me use it as a pseudo msg board! hehe. you noe, maybe we shld set up a 401 blog or msg board or something... this is way too interesting =) okies, back to mugging! *exams in 2 weeks!!*
........everyone's very very scary ((O_O))
and gerri. we could have a 401 blog. BUT YOU'RE NEVER AROUND!!! *lol*
zhihui!!!! protect meeeee~!!!!! *lol*
qiongz: u dun sound like u're scared at all... in fact, u sound like u're enjoying it... wahaha. my attention's going to be on YOU too! *evil laughter*
gerri: moved. changed. :p
a 401 blog sounds good... this is turning out to be almost like a 401 msg board or sth...
zhihui! you din tell me! ah... now we'll have 2 pple to interrogate! mwhahaha... i think en and i will have a field day! so looking forward to u guys comming back!
miss you guys (and the gossip too)!
If we want a 401 blog, which I too think is a brilliant idea, why don't we carry on using the christmas in nyc one?
I have lots to tell you people about sudden deviations in my career plans from sheep poo. Or possible deviations anyway. Hmmmmm. Possibilities...
ah, i second tzo's idea! =)
and qiong, i so agree with zhihui that you're enjoying it... heh.
ahhh.... it's a wonder that exams make me go online more often *argh* i'm sure qiong agrees. hehe
oookay. so now. gerri and zhihui. we will need to add you to blogger. haha. gimme your email addresses or something. and you two can start the ballrolling since you're so ONZ. ^^