Thursday, 6th July '06
Isn't It Funny...
- How God always ends up making my big lifetime decisions for me. Like seriously, I think he thinks I'm just too dumb to do it myself. Amazingly enough this time he actually gave me a choice, but he gave a damn disgustingly difficult call to make. He never goes easy on me. NEVER. Shit. You're a sneaky old man, up there, you know? Basket.
- How I can be disturbed about a $2000-$500-$4000/gymmembership/PDA/medicalbenefits deal. I tell you how lah, it's because I feel like a sell out. Well, not in the strictest sense of it, but I did feel like I traded happiness for fame and fortune. In the harshest terms. For Heaven's sake, it's work. It's not supposed to be fun. Stop being a hapless romantic fool.
- How I really think I will have no patience about the extended family oohing and ahhing and saying "En Ying's so clever" about this.
- How talking to Kai just made me realize it's because I'm scared. Scared shitless, dude. Like maybe I should go curl up in a corner and bawl like a baby.
- How stupid an idea that is.
- How the moment I decide I like a football team, they get kicked out. The World Cup is officially over for me.
- How positive a person I am but how my sudden emo outbursts are always negative nature. Like I say "DIE tonight, PORTUGAL!" instead of "Go France!"
- How I've never been so disturbed as to lose my appetite. But it's true, it's just GONE, thanks to the stress. Bloody hell. I just stared down orhluak, hokkien mee, hahm-her and kailan without flinching.
- How that is NOT attributable to the WC.
- How I just feel like cursing for no apparent reason. In every language I can think off. I tell you, the number of internationals I've met lately, it adds up to quite a bit. KNNBCCB. Ain't about the football either.
- How I still know deep down inside it's all going to be OOOOOKKKK. Shit, every intellectual fibre of me says this is a good thing.
- How blasting Eminem's "Shake that Ass" was oddly comforting - violent, non-women-respecting lyrics and all.
- How I'm always so thankful for Jia and Kai and these moments.
- How this is STILL a quarterlifecrisis, holy hell.
- How once again these words have meaning: "Either way I wonder sometimes about a still verdictless life / Still "everything happens for a reason" is no reason not to ask myself if I am living it right"
- How at the end of all this I'm just going to shut up, suck it, and go to bed.
[4 photographs developed.]
thanks qiong... you = big help too... i just wish the huggle didn't have to be virtual. hhaa
but i think i made peace with it. re-watching WAY too many F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episodes helped a LOT.
i wish the huggle was realy too =)
but *HUGGLE* anyway, and a *glomp* for good measure =)
blog someting else =) and maybe you'll be better =)