Tuesday, 11th July '06
Ten Reasons Zizzou Lost His Mind.
Ok, Azzuri lah, whatever. Just never, never, NEVER WATCH AN ITALIA MATCH WITH CHENG LIMIN. That smug, gloating, evil woman. I actually don't mind so much that Italy won, I mind it more that Limin waxes lyrical about how THEY (like: "Yay, WE finally won!") did it. Alright, alright, I'm just joking. I know how much their winning means to her. Yes, I am guilty of calling them "dirty" and "greasy-looking" and everything in between.
But Dre and I were like, yo, we're sure your sitting in the living room squeaking made Grosso score that last kick. Like, really. *earnest look*
The crazy woman wore her Italia shirt into my house - enemy territory, by the way - and sat on my sofa going on about her Del Piero and her "little boy" Cannavaro. I tell you, don't call him "Canna" in Singapore, it just translates into obscene Hokkien words.
For the record, Michelle also did the best last game summary I've seen yet. Points noted good and succintly in between her "chio laptop bag" research project. See as follows:
"The Azzuri vs Les Bleus, 1-1 at time of writing."
"WTF did Zizou just do. WTF. The man is 34 years old."
"FINALLY THEY'RE PLAYING TREZEGUET GOOD GOD."
"Oh, Trezeguet. What have you done."
Speaking of Zizzou. Jeepers, both Limin and I woke up the next morning with our minds still better focused on the more important issue from the night before: WHAT IN THE *beepity beep* POSSESSED ZIDANE TO DO THAT?! Watching the replays I just freaking sat on my sofa and laughed till I cried. It was one of the most ABSURD things I've seen in a while. Makes me want to go walk around Orchard Road and whack the crown of my head into anyone whose face I kan4 bu4 shun4 yan3.
It's like Aaron (Ningz' Aaron) said: words can't kill, but headbutts might.
How I ever lived without youtube, I don't know.
So. In between, I came up with a marginally convincing list of reasons before Dad read the Straits Times and told me it was something about a racial slur. For crying out loud, I never knew Europeans to be all sensitive about racial issues. God knows the ones I know aren't shy about calling others "rice people" and other assorted race-oriented terms. So I figured my deductions made more sense:
10. He never got a red card before. Thought he'd see how it was to be a Baaaadd Boy for once.
9. He got tired of heading balls.
8. He thought it would be a shame if the Argentinian referee didn't get to give out a red card during this match under as exciting circumstances as the last time. Remember, the last time that ref gave a red card, it was Rooney at the receiving end.
7. He figured France was going to lose anyway, and thought this was a prime way to steal the thunder. Well, it evidently worked. Sneaky bastard.
6. Remember who scored the equalizing goal? Revenge, man, never underestimate the power of revenge.
5. Alternatively, he was in love and wanted to sweep the dude off his feet. He just forgot that that inevitably results in knocking someone on his ass.
4. He thought he'd learn from Viggo Mortenssen and Orlando Bloom. (White light! White light!) But at 1.94m or thereabouts, Materazzi was too tall.
3. Midlife Crisis, 'nuff said.
2. He got possessed by the ghost of Luis Figo when they swapped jerseys after the semi-final match.
1. That shiny pate wanted some of the hair off Materazzi's amply furry chest, and grew a mind of its own.
[3 photographs developed.]
koh en ying! u are HILARIOUS!!!!!! hahaha but i think point 10, 7, 6 and 2 makes good sense.. hehehe and the racial slur part is bullshit.. ! i cant believe he still wont Golden Ball..and my darling Cannavaro lost..good grief..oh well
haha. thankew. yeah lah, cannavaro should have taken golden ball lah. even i will concede that much.
the rest are still greasy, though.
whatever.. i love the rest of them too.. although darling cannavaro has always been my favourite..did u see his FABULOUS defending?? sigh....... i should print off ur list and give my father and bro to read..have a good laugh..why dont u send this into the 8days the last page??