Thursday, 20th July '06
Ministry of (Really Loud) Sound
Meep. I'm deaf. And very very sleepy, having dragged my weary night-lifed out self home as the rest of the world made its way to work. Hahaha. I think I am not going clubbing again for a looonnngggg loooooooonnnnnnnnggggggg time.
Ministry of Sound was actually a lot more fun than I thought it would be. I was expecting some chi-chi club where everyone sat around being all cooler-than-thou and thumpity-thump house music resonated its way through the walls. Not so! Of course there was the house music part, but it was pretty decent and chill-out. The main floor was a freaking Mambo Night, minus the Zouk bit and minus the cute Ah Bengs. But Zouk is going downhill (we met the law Bimz afterwards when we had supper/breakfast and they had just come from Mambo and didn't like it). The last time I was at Mambo it was just too bloody crowded and all the best Ah Bengs weren't there anymore. The R&B area, Smoove, was awful because it was nose-to-nose kinda packed, and I felt like I was in a swarm of little kids. So we migrated upstairs to the best place ever, the retro-room 54, where the older set (late 20s-early 30s) hung out and where Limin and I were more used to the antics of drunken angmohs. Oh, and where I can sing almost every song they play.
Heh... Babs and Lung and I were just clowns. We weren't cool and we knew it, so why pretend. We just ran around jumping and playing air guitar and doing whatever Mambo moves we could. Heeeeeheeee.
And making snide comments about everyone else. Here are some of the "friends" we made last night:
1. Mr Bean
We fell in love with this guy the moment we saw him. First he was twitching spastically on the dance floor in Pure (house). Like Mr Bean with epilepsy. And then when we moved to 54 (retro), he and his more normal friends went too. That's where we realise he can Twitch to the Beat! To Lipp's "Funky Town", no less. Wenzheng is tickled pink.
2. Checkered Shirt House-Guy, His White Von Dutch Shirted Indian Friend & Green Man
Three characters that managed to dance together but alone to house music. Doing passable renditions of half-moonwalks and Henikken arm waves. Von Dutch was quite enthu at some point and started randomly jumping and doing da Hitler and generally being more eye-catching all of a sudden. I think it coincided with the entry of a bunch of hot chicks with shorts skirts, low cut tops, makeup and precious little else. Green Man (so named because of green T-shirt) later also moved to 54 with us.
3. The Eurasian / Chinese Duo
These two are damn cute lah. One Eurasian boy and one Chinese boys about our age, moving from room to room, but being so GARANG in each one that they were a joy to behold. Really garang. As in stand on the stage and be cheer squad kind of garang. I loved that they just did whatever, vibed their energy to the people around them, and looked insanely happy in the process.
4. Monkey Man
Of course Limin spotted this one first. Dude stands in the corner of Pure, next to the DJ, in some sort of demi-pliť, hang his arms by the sides and bops. Occassionally one hand comes up and does a little spirit fingers / circular rounds. Legs never deviate from the demi-pliť.
5. Cigarette-Smoking Man & the Dubious Girl(s)
One of the first characters we started observing that night. Mostly becasue Limin and I had become used to the ways of our perpetually horny, man-whore friends in the Blue Mountains / Halifax, and we now consider ourselves experts on critiquing guys picking up girls. And for me it was just as hilarious as watching the Halifax boys. Even more so because while Limin and I could practically make an instruction video, Wenzheng was just sitting there amusedly. Anyways, CSM's manner could use some help. He's not too bad in the hand-holding way, but for goodness sake he's damn humji lah. He kept letting her run away. Touch a bit then retract. Touch a bit then retract. Hello, you want her or not? "Her" being Dubious Girl. The reason she's dubious is because Wenzheng wouldn't have touched her with a 10-foot pole. She was with a friend (who no one was touching with poles of any length) because her friend looked like a transvestite. Dubious Girl was, well, not such a clearcut case but Wenz was like "why? Why would he go after her?". And Limin and I nod sagely and reply, "Beer Googles."
6. Blondie & PRC
Blondie is another one we picked out right at the start of the day because he was radiating the predatory instinct right from the start. The kind that has a certain amount of confidence in this practice, stands by the dance floor with his whiskey-coke glass to his lips, and peers over the rim surveying the fresh meat gyrating in front of him. Any how, he didn't look cannot-make-it or anything, so I assumed he'd get something at least. We left him in 54 early on, maybe 12:30, and when we came back 3 hours later, he'd already started putting the moves on this tiny PRC girl. A bit slow lah, but whatever. He wasn't terrible either, but he provided an endless source of amusement to us. I think we kept a running commentary on him half the time: "And look at Blondie go! Damn happy now lah!" / "I think she's PRC, no, I think she's Taiwanese". By the time we left MoS, we saw them exchange numbers and were standing outside waiting for a cab. Wenz: "I bet he's saying: Please please please come home with me...", but personally I didn't think he was going to get any that night. He was just too SLOW. Took so long covering each base that he really didn't have a hope.
In the meantime, Green Man picks up the Cigerette Smoking Man's leftovers - i.e. Dubious Girl. Green Man seems to fair a lot better CSM, which puzzles me because CSM looked a better catch. Dubious Girl, to her credit, is rather sweet and shy and there was a full-on moment where she and Green Man got pushed rather close together, faces about an inch away, and they looked at each other expectantly. I was really expecting him to kiss her. And then she giggles and looks down. Wah liao! I felt like I was watching a Chinese soap opera lah! You know those Channel 8 dramas where the characters should have been together years ago but no one got anywhere because they were too humji, and you sit in front of the TV cursing them and every class A bitch that gets in the way? I feel a twinge of empathy for the characters, dash my fist against my palm and mutter in disappointment.
For the record, all these horny characters, unless otherwise mentioned are angmoh. Dubious Girl could have been Chinese-Malay. Chinese boys have too much fun being bengs themselves to go picking up girls, and that's part of their cuteness. Fine, I'm an Ah Lian at heart.
7. The Chinese Cha-Cha Man
Before the 54 dance floor got crowded he stood there and did cha-cha steps by himself. We're convinced he's the reason the floor took so long to get crowded.
8. Crazy Haired Woman
The one person who managed to dirty dance, by herself, to house music. Limin was impressed. I was mystified.
9. The Stumbling Fake-Fall Girl
She pretended to trip over a step and crashed right into the middle of Limin, Wenz and me. She shrieked a "sorry!" and floated away. No idea what that was about.
Mmph. I'm tired. Need to go back to bed. My ears are still ringing from all that noise.
[2 photographs developed.]
i think Mr Bean is my all-time favourite. but u forgot the pyjamas PRC ah mah.. damn funky one. remember her?? all white track suit-ish with specs hahahahhaha
i didnt know you went clubbing with Wenzheng! Impart to me some of your sage wisdom sometime!