Thursday, 29th January '04

En Ying The Amoral

*hefty sigh* Sometimes I don't know if it's me or the world. Probably me lah. I don't know if I've ever told any of you I sometimes have really REALLY strange ideas, beliefs, convictions and sense of morality? Probably have told Tzo or Qiong at some time. Anyway, I test drove another one of my odd ideas today. On poor long-suffering Liang and Jia. Suffice to say they were well and truly shocked. Appalled, even.

I think studying Law can do this to you. According to today's contract lecturer, that's the point of studying Law. You reduce everything to this nice logical world and pretty soon your sense of right and wrong gets messed up. Muted. Annihilated. =) I'm quite sure that's not going to happen to me, but I guess in my post-puberscent years and current quarter-life crisis, my morals might be somewhat screwed-up. Want to hear my theory of the day? Don't gasp.

I honestly don't think stealing someone else's girlfriend / boyfriend is wrong.

There, you gasped. People always go for the forbidden fruit. *wink* But seriously lah, the situation that sparked this little observation and ensuing huge debate was not of importance and not my place to talk about.

Going back to the point. Actually I never even knew people ever thought stealing unmarried other halfs was wrong until I think one day Limz and Gnet were talking about it like the stealer was some kind of scumbag. And when I asked them why they thought so they were shocked that I didn't share the same view.

But today I had to test drive the idea a bit more than that. Possibly the effect of this INTOLERABLE Natural Law lecture. Legal philosophy is possibly even more mind-numbing than Legal System. Or it could have been that an acquaintance of mine was getting slammed for allegedly stealing someone else's boyfriend. I can't say she was a a friend I wanted to protect, but I felt it was unfair that she was being judged that way, even if she really did do the stealing.

Think about it. Stealor likes / loves / needs / wants X's unmarried other half, whom we shall call Stealee. Note this analysis applies only to unmarried other halves, and I have entirely separate notions about married couples and third parties (I know lah, too much privity must have sparked this... doing questions all day about Aragorn/Eowyn/Arwen and Charles/Diana/Camilla and Tom/Nicole/Penelope and Bill/Hillary/Monica gets you all tangled in knots about love triangle problems). But where was I?

Stealor likes Stealee. Why is Stealor not allowed to do anything about it? Let's give the whole affair a Darwinian twist. Stealor likes Stealee essentially because Stealor sees something in Stealee which Stealor wants in his / her offspring. The selfish gene does it's job, Stealor competes. It's selection, right? And Stealee is entitled the option of chosing his mate. My Bio's sort of rusty, but I think it's about right. It's one of those factors that help us evolve. Survival of the fittest and whatnot. Never did like this topic much. But the point is, it's completely natural. Perhaps I'm a socially inept retard, but it never occured to me before friends pointed it out that there was anything wrong with the system at all.

This is not to say I believe in cheating. I think it's horrible. Anyone who has made that kind of promise to another should keep it and if you know someone is relying on you, you jolly well keep an eye of for his / her feelings.

All I'm saying is that Stealor should not be stopped from doing whatever's in his / her power to get Stealee. It has been submitted that the old Darwinian twist doesn't apply because this is a human situation. Man has this extra dimension of morality animals don't. Agreed on that point. But the question is what makes "stealing" immoral? It's not adultery, the couple isn't married. No sex is involved (I'm a prude so this is a factor). No physical contact need be involved, no flirting, no nothing. To me, it's wrong to tempt an attached someone into bed and stuff like that yes, but what's wrong with the usual courting methods? Flowers, dinner, movies. Perfectly normal activities you could just as well do with perfectly normal friends. And if in the course of all that, Stealee decides to be stolen, well, it's his / her choice, innit?

One idea is that courting is the same as tempting. I haven't a rebuttal for that, but I can tell you instinct tells me that is wrong. It's not the same, somehow. Tempting has a really evil connotation, courting is positive, at least.

Another problem with this sort of judgment of the Stealor is that I find it impossible to reconcile (look what Legal Writing has done to me) this fact pattern (*sigh*) with the other situation of someone breaking up and finding a new person. Again, I've heard a pretty persuasive argument that in the latter case, the breakup was a product of the fact that the couple wasn't working out anyway. That almost had me convinced for a while, but then again, reducing it to it's essence, the only distinguishing factor is time. If Stealor came into the picture before the breakup, she's a horrible person. If not she entered post-breakup, no problem. Isn't the timing thing something beyond her control. Why should she be made to wait because of pure chance? It's no credit to the original other half that he / she was there first. What if "tomorrow never comes"? According to that old song, you're supposed to "tell someone that you love just what you're thinking of". No one ever says that idea was wrong, many, infact, champion it.

Ah well, that's all the musing my brain can take tonight. Comments and feedback will be much appreciated. But if all you want to do is tell me what a horrible, amoral person I am... I'm already beginning to get an inkling of it. The trouble my warped sense of justice gets me into. Urgh.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 12:36 am
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Wednesday, 28th January '04

Lazy Hazy Crazy Days

Lazy - yesterday. Handed up memo, so felt pretty deserving of a break. Wrote and freaking long entry only previously matched by my Tzo-called (tzo-called? SO-called? Geddit? Geddit? *rolls eyes at own incorrigible lameness) "Gossip Thesis".

Hazy - me during contract lectures. And always after I've spent a good few hours digesting like... two cases, and wondering where all the time went and where the hell I'm going to get more. Cannot make it leh.Tomorrow we close the series of "Mistake" lectures and I'm guessing the biggest mistake of all is that I don't even know the difference between "void" and "voidable". The only thing I understand is the lecturer's jokes - he has exactly the same sense of humour I have.

Crazy - Chong Tze Chien. Ha, no lah. He just pushes us harder than Serena or anyone else has ever pushed us, and I guess it'll take a while for everyone to get used to the style. And it's disgusting how I always wind up the subject of the most brutal character-building exercises. If the one with Errol previously sounded bad, you can't beat this one. Me and Siti. Freaking difficult issue of euthanasia. Poor girl screaming her head off in her character's pain. Me sitting there wondering what the FREAK I'm gonna do. I know TC's improv style better than to just let her die easy or to walk out of the scene. Will die man. Anyway, it got a little too close to heart, bumped into a situation to which I can draw a parallel in my life and I can't resolve and am feeling a shitload of guilt about (pardon the language). Bottomline: En Ying bawling like a baby in front of a room full of people and En Ying's character having a screamfest with TC's "disembodied voice".

Sigh, he somehow has this way of hitting my raw nerves in improv. But I kinda think his CB exercises kinda examine my own character, and if I don't take care I'll wind up knowing more of me than I want to. Anyway, after the whole thing, I was feeling rather naked. But thanks to Siti who shared the "improv hell" (Ave's term) with me, Tasha who listened to my REAL issue after that as I was recovering, Fit who patted my shoulder, Audrey who handed me tissue, Beck who popped over to just give support and Ave who realised I needed a hug and "[gave] it to me".

And no fair, the other folk's improvs (basically everyone but me and Siti) were so relaxed. Feel cheated, *grin*.

And then we had this mini thrashing-out session which I think was pretty timely. Some of us, me included, needed to hear some things I guess, but the tension was so thick you could cut it with a butter-knife. I don't care if that's a cliche.

Anyway, should go and read Ave's blog soon. She's got a load of things to say about my improv that apparently will make me cry all over again. SIGH.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:14 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Monday, 26th January '04


Just back from a day of lecture's and a rather different tutorial. Completing the Research Opinion Memorandum was quite a pain, first time a pulled an all nighter to get an assignment done, even though I started reasonably early. *sigh* Hope this is not a sign of things to come. Can you believe I actually finished the writing at about noon on sunday, and spent ALL that time after that till 6am just rewriting it and cutting out words??? And I think for all that work it just got more cryptic sounding, which, trust me, isn't a good thing.

But before I go and take a well-deserved nap and subsequently plough through more homicide-related / privity of contract cases, I think I'll grant myself a really MUSING musing. See I'm actually about to ponder an issue, albeit not very coherently, but hey, I didn't sleep at all last night.

Today's topic is *drumroll* DIFFERENCES. Before I begin properly, I'd just like to add in a little disclaimer. If I sound pissed or irritated or make any offensive / derogatory / elitist sounding suggestions just ignore me. I'm using the blog to think my ideas through, and really, I don't mean any harm. If I've quoted you, I won't cite your name because it isn't important who made the statement, just that the idea has been put forward to me, and I'd like to reflect on it.

Not quite sure when this idea of differences began to occur to me, but I think a rough guess would be about that time I worked at Parkway and, I guess, for the first time in my life met a couple of really wonderful girls who showed me quite a bit about the working world / life beyond what I've known. I'm not about to hype this up to a kind of Hard Times / Oliver Twist extreme... you know, where there are people who luxuriate in all things good and then there are the kids who can't go "please sir, I want somemore" without getting a whipping. But that WAS when I actually did notice, for myself, the fact that I've been having a very different life from most.

Another time might have been a conversation with some RJ friends, in which we were lamenting our dismal grades and I recall someone saying "what the heck, why are we worrying. We should be counting ur blessings - only about 30% of each year's batch will even get to JC". I know she didn't mean it in an elitist way, she was really, sincerely, aware that we had so much going for us that some others wouldn't get to see. At the very least, we had good homes, were financially comfortable (some even more than so) and were just about as close to the top of the paper chase as we were ever going to get.

So while we always seem to be the lucky ones, the one with the scholarships, the ones with good English and too many A1s / A's / S-papers, are we really just that? Perhaps we don't speak the same way as the other non-JC kids, perhaps we have vastly different taste in clothes, music, food, hobbies (though I actually doubt that). But that's all supposed to be superficial, right? What is that thing that makes us appear different from everyone else? In a way, what makes anyone not from this circle more willing to judge us than the man on the street? Why do others have preconceived notions of what we're like before they have known us for even half a year. Perhaps they think they know what we're all about before they even meet us. Perhaps they think we don't go through all the crap that normal people do.

Let's start with something simple. (ha!) Why will I NOT tell people what schools I've come from until they force it out of me? Or more specifically, why am I trying to hide it from certain people? Let me start by saying there's probably nothing I'm prouder of that being from RJC (RGS might be slightly different, but let's just focus on one first). I'm proud to belong to a school that continually strives to be the best it can be, and that achieves it to a certain extent. I'm proud that despite that culture of excellence, we haven't become an uncaring, selfish bunch. On the contrary, the kindest, most generous (with their time, and money, and themselves) and just GOOD people I know, I met there. I'm proud of RJ's versatility, its potential to churn out President's scholars / Prime Ministers / Presidents and what have you. And yet at the same time I'm proud that we keep our human touch, that guys strip each other in the shed for fun, that we scream and cackle and sit on the floors of MRT trains like ordinary kids. That we trot down to the market for kuay zhup one day, and have our grad night in Shangrila on the next.

Well, I can tell some people my school easily. I can tell the Law folks, coz 60% of them were alumni anyway. I can tell the hall folks coz there were RJ people there before me and have left enough of a legacy so that people know we aren't idiots from a school that just happens to have a good rep coz it was named after the bloke who founded our country.Others I can't tell because I hate the way the revelation is invariably followed up by either "wooooaaaahhh" or a snort. And I hate the way the next question will somehow relate to grades, how many O-level points, how many A level subs and S-papers. It's ridiculous that once my school comes into the picture I am no longer judged on my own merit, but am held up against an often fallacious stereotype of what the typical Rafflesian is like. In a nutshell, the assumptions go something like "this fucked bitch from this JC thinks she's so flabbergastingly better than others" or "watch out, those RGS girls damn dao one" or that we're "veri narrow... were you from rj? must b". It is to be noted that these notions of arrogance, narrow-mindedness etc are COMPLETELY SEVERABLE from the school from which the subject in question came. Could one from RJ not be humble, openminded person, and yet one who has never gone to school be aloof and closed. I can't see why not. I my mean, if I've given you that impression, and you could even be right, just tell me so, attribute it my own idiocy lor. Because I honestly don't appreciate you taking it out on where I come from. If I think you're an idiot I will think YOU are a idiot. Doesn't matter if you came from Cambridge or Harvard or Ulu Pandan JC *winks at Zhihui*.

Why would such unkind comments come to pass then? I wouldn't have the nerve to say they were comments passed in fits of jealously - and indeed it would be exceedingly condescending of me to even think this was so. But it is the most oft-cited reason. Someone once told me I was being hated because I was from a certain "conglomerate of schools" and the confidence and leadership qualities that came from that kind of upbringing were off-putting, frightening, even. Upon such reasoning, maybe it is true. It's always easier to put someone down to make your own level more comparable. I should know, I'm as guilty of it as the next guy. I'm not always a happy person, I have my bouts of self-doubt, and I have one heck of an inferiority complex. Possibly also the product of being constantly surrounded by people of such high calibre I can never ever be the best at what I do, not even for the littlest while. I struggle to balance my work and my life, I worry about how I look, I care about people not liking me too.

So wherein lies the difference? Wherefore the "reverse discrimination"? There are times when I have heard comments from some friends not from school, and thought them petty and incapable of seeing the bigger picture. But that's when I'd remind myself that everyone is entitled to their own view, and really, it isn't my place to impose what I think should be the norm on everyone I meet. What gets to me is when these same people turn right around and make sweeping generalisations about me, my character and my life, which by the way, are completely unbacked by evidence. I'm not saying I'm angry about it, I'm saying that, like any other kind of discrimination, it's hurtful. Well, it was in the beginning, but 6 years have taught me that people can hate my kind and still eventually come to respect the real me.

Oh well, that's all I have time for today. If you've got this far, thanks for reading. It's not actually complete, but I guess that's all either of us are going to be able to digest for now. And if you've understood, thanks even more. So, tata now. Till the next time I get hit by a bunch of random, self-pitying thoughts...

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 03:12 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Tuesday, 20th January '04

M1 Theatre Connect Press Conference... or, simply summarized, JiggleFreezeConfessEat.

Koped photo from Huipeng, which will have to do till Meimei sends me the photo she's supposed to. This is the most of the Secrets cast in the front, anticlockwise from bottom left *deepbreath* AveFitBeckYanWeiMeSiti(andherfabuloushair)HuipengTasha&Krystal (just in case I haven't identified us all yet at some point). Behind us from the right, the older portion of the Mixed Blessings cast, DaisySubinKayTong&Catherine. And next to them is one evidently-a-bit-high Anabelle from Such Sweet Sorrow. This is the waiting area behind the Velvet stage, where we spent the better part of the evening.

*yawn*. Very Tired now, and that is becoming quite a common phenomenom as far as this body is concerned. I have also realised just about all but one of the January musings have been Secrets From My Room related. Evidently, nothing much else is happening in my life and I guess you can tell by the frequency of update - which I maintain are DAMN FREQUENT THANKYOUVERYMUCH *glares at Limin, Tzo and Qiong* - that I don't have time for much else other than this and school.

So before I lauch right into the substantive discussion of the day (err. Yeah, too many in-class presentations _do_ take their toll), I'll just give y'all a very-exteremely-super-ultra quick summary of life as me as it is right now: Wake up, drag myself to school, attempt to listen and dutifully jot down notes, attempt to understand the moral conundrums of Criminal Law, attempt to understand Contract Law which is getting harder by the minute, actually feel thankful that I love what I'm doing and and willing to put myself through this torture, attempt to participate in Legal Writing despite being horribly HORRIBLY irritated with this department for assigning one crappy-ass research memo to be done over CHINESE NEW YEAR, attempt to do research for aforementioned memo and fail miserably, attempt not to curse all the decendents and future great great great grandchildren of the bloke who drafted the (a) Statue of Frauds (b) Civil Law Act (c) Employment Act (d) Penal Code, actually winding up cursing the fella who drafted the Penal Code but restrain myself from visiting the sins of the father unto the sons, do absolutely no prior reading or homework, drag myself with considerably less effort to either TNS or Cairnhill Arts Centre and get totally mystified by TC's instructions (this bit has been remedied very much since last night when he finally revealed half of his bag of tricks), drag myself home and attempt to do some reading before falling asleep, dragging myself awake again and repeating the cycle ad infinitum. *sweatdrop* In between, of course, I find the sinful time to blog and upload photos, unconscionable, decadent and entirely evasive of my better responsibilities though this activity is.

And a couple of exciting events have taken place since the last time I gave a good and proper update of my life. The exchange students came from all over the world and we had a decent 8-course Chinese dinner with them. Had Daniel and Linda from Canada at my table and it was cool to swap stories about things as simple as food and educate them on the ways to eat yusheng and durian etc etc. In turn, they regaled us with their take on PGP (Prince Georges Park Residence, this chi-chi non-hall hostel in NUS), and various tidbits of law we haden't yet studied. Did you know if you find a large rock in the middle of the sea and reclaim a suitable amount of land around it you actually OWN a new island? And it's legal? Wow.

Aside from that, two German exchange guys, Andy and Morris have joined my Criminal Law class and hopefully we didn't freak them out / disappoint them with today's tutorial. Which, by the way was awfully amusing since we would up discussing what happened on the Practice last night. Moral implications, insanity, etc etc. Lovely. Ha.

And I am rapidly phantomising from Kent Ridge. I hate being so anti-social, but I'm never even back in time for supper, so what can I do? Even Winston and Jon worry about my conspicuous absence, that's how bad it is.

And yes, there was also the press conference. As usual, the Nokia 3200 is an amazing asset.

A glimpse of the stage before everything is set up. Siti's getting her hair done for her exerpt. Am rather disappointed I forgot to get a picture of Errol in his hilarious cockroach feelers.
'Kiam pah, hmm?!?' Notice Ave's carrom striker earrings. Face off. My hair looks more anime then ever. Glow Girls Huipeng and Krystal.
Checking in our bags for safekeeping. The coaster and matchbox we all koped for souvenirs.

After a quick warm up run we all ducked "backstage" (kinda outside the bar area where they store the ice machines) and wasted time till the journos settled. Sang the odd pop songs of the moment - Heeeeyyyy... yyyaaaa.... / Hey Britney, you say you wanna loose control / Hey Mama, tis the shit that make you move Mama / 1,2,3, take my hand and come with me - you get the idea. Generally bummed a lot, and Mei Mei took a nice group photo of all the cast of Secrets, Mixed Blessings and Haikel and Anabelle represented Such Sweet Sorrow. Will upload photo when I get it. Then the thingie began.

So essentially what we did was chiong around the stage and freeze at odd intervals for the various actors to play out scenes from the three plays / specially written teasers. My personal favourite scene was "Adrian Lim" and his "Palm That Fears No Sword". Very interesting twist given to that classic Singaporean murder trial, and a very nicely played out monologue. Even his cussing was rib-tickling and it me and Beck just wound up grinning insanely at each other onstage to keep from giggling out loud. The journos ate that one up, along with Haikel's tummy wobble and Subin Subiah's enthusiastic non-line-dance. Needless to say, Errol's feelers couldn't go unnoticed either.

After that we did this confessional booth thing (remember, theme is SECRETS) a la Survivor and it was "telecast" live around Velvet. No one really noticed us much, I don't think. Then, there was food and free flow of Coke and selected alcohol. And we all got excellent goody bags to take home... my favourite new toy is a pair of boxing gloves, real life-size ones, sponsored by Anchor Beer. And this new blank notebook from Parco Bugis junction. And odd goodies I have no idea what to do with include a micro-mini back-pack (like, my Eeyor toy could use it) from M1 and an FM radio that only broadcasts 89.3 from TVMobile. But who's complaining, I love goodies. *chuckle*.

Right, I promised myself I'd read a case before bed, so night for now, I hope this entry was satisfying! I will not blog again till next Monday as I need to focus on my memo, so Babs and all, hope this is a solid enough account to keep y'all happy till then! =)

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:22 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Monday, 19th January '04

M1 Theatre Connect Press Conference Dress Run

Have to say I got a little trigger happy tonight, but it tonight was really quite an exciting experience. For two reasons: (a) Obviously, tomorrow will be the first press conference I ever attend, and needless to say that has a certain effect of making one feel a tad more important than one really is. (b) Velvet Underground / Zouk / Phuture look so much better when there is adequate lighting. I'm not a dark person, and I'm guessing not many of us get to see these nice clubs in a behind-the-scenes sort of way, so here we go! As usual, place your cursor over the pics to see my captions.

Velvet Underground. Where the whole affair will be held. As you can see, blatent defience is my middle name. This is a pretty door handle! So we enter the area to find...
Patience, young padawan, we are still entering... (this is the Velvet corridor) That the place had all been nicely set up and waiting for the event. By the way, an old empty warehouse invites mischief from... Me! I actually had a nicer shot coming but Audrey wouldn't let me *pout*. This is me attempting to crawl thorough the little window the bartenders pass the drinks out of.
As, I was saying, the place was nicely set up. This is a table display along the lines of the 'Such Sweet Sorrow' theme. Funeral alter-ish. HP, Beck and Tasha. Krystal, Tasha and I in negative mode.
Yan's hair looks fine despite the rain. Wonder Woman toses her mane. *moans a la Clairol Herbal Essences advertisment* Time to start exploring.
Funny how the entrance to Zouk also looks kinda like the gateway to hell. Don't know what I took these for. It's not dark enough to see the stars and planets on the ceiling glowing. Also went into phuture and was amazed an how nice it was to just waltz in without having to battle the crowd. Did you know Zouk had an ADMIN OFFICE? Neither did I. So weird. Ssshhh. Snuck around to take this photo.

I really have a million things to do tonight and it's already so so late! *sigh*. In quick summary, today was really quite a day and it was nice to see first hand how the pros work. Kind of inspiring, if you ask me, to watch them listen so disciplinedly to Sean and Isis, no smart mouthing, no interrupting and always on cue, always giving 100% performances and yet being so amicable offstage. And Sheikh Haikel and Anabelle Francis have to be the sweetest, most loving couple I have ever seen. Also the friendliest, comepltely-no-airs-about-them celebs I know of. So while my role in this the event is pretty minimal, I'm, as always, thankful for every eye-opening op I get.

Now I HAVE to get back to research. I can think of another choice profanity, but for now let's just say it rhymes with "Ah Pei".

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:05 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Thursday, 15th January '04

So Who Killed The Invisible Man?

Right. One more mysterious entry for y'all.

"So you think I killed him? You all are mad. Sitting here while the murderer is at large. Yeah, what do you know? I don't kill things, alright? I take what's dead. Oh, try and attack me, will you? You'll see where that'll get you. And listen up everyone, people that talk to themselves are questionable, alright? People that talk to things... look that that flower. It's got him on a leash, if you don't seperate them we might all well be dead. And it's flinging things around, little particles, doesn't that worry you? Hey, it got torn apart, he wouldn't let it go. I was following instructions, he killed his own flower. I proved my worth, what did he?"

"And yes, Roach, you moved nearer to me just now. You just said your intuition was never wrong. So won't you trust me now? Won't any of you? Or have you all the IQ of a Primary Two kid? Ah, what you know? That really IS the highest education level you have, isn't it. Yeah, thought so. I don't have the power to decide, alright? I eat things that are ALREADY DEAD! Or have you the memory span of a foetus?"

"You say you'll go to sleep. This is a wake, for the love of Mike. Sprawled out in front of the coffin, you think you're trying to catch the one who killed him, while I'm the only one showing him the tinest ounce of respect. Where the HECK are you going? If you leave now and the next one of us dies... come here!"

"*sigh* Here comes the psychic again, you've gotta tell me why you don't want to die. Gosh, do you all have poor reasons! Maybe there IS no reason any of you should stay alive. You'll make me a deal - stop it, alright! I DON'T DECIDE IF YOU LIVE OR DIE! I'll only take what's already gone! It's my part in the cycle of life, will you judge me on that? You, if you'd kill chickens that were perfectly alive before what's stopping you from killing that stupid cockroach? Or me, for that matter? Don't you touch me. God knows what you'd plant in my feathers."

"Ok, you know what, it's morning, that cratered creature's shift is up. I'll take you on your deal, I won't kill you - wasn't planning to! - but you have to help me find a garbage dump in the east. I just need it, is all. I need to go that way. I won't touch you, I'll stay behind, you can walk in front, all of you together. I can't kill you if I can't touch you, and if you all stick together, geez. Please? I need to get to the rubbish dump, I do. Thanks, thank you so much."

"Shit, why's everyone dead?"

Again, sorry for the mumbo jumbo.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 12:19 am
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Tuesday, 13th January '04

Folks, I'd Like To Introduce... Skittles!

Today has been a satisfactory day on all counts, and an abysmal one on the count of reading-up-for-tomorrow's-lectures. But I need to get this down before anything else. Partially because I know in the rush of other things that I need to do, I will forget everything I'm about to write and partially because I'm a mugger toad. And hence I take notes. It ain't just VJ kids, you know. Yes, you know who you are. *wink*.

And I apologise once again for a cryptic, inconsiderate entry which the vast majority will not understand. I would elaborate if I could, but no time and no drive, really. Yes, yes, why blog if no one understands, but I've become too accustomed to using this as my Secrets / TFYE journal, so might as well continue.

So, here we are. Folks, I'd like to introduce... Skittles! Skittles, meet The Folks. Right, we're on our way.

What's Skittles like? Well, I just met her myself. See (sshhh! Skittles isn't supposed to know this yet) Skittles can be quite a trying character. She's pretty self-centered, and she's old, but she refuses to admit it, act like it. She's vulturish, she's fascinated with death and likes to be around death. Death is the most important thing to her, because it means food. You could say she's selfish, and she can come off as only wanting attention. But maybe she's just focused, and single-minded about what she wants. And she knows she's old and dying, and the irony doesn't escape her, so maybe she's rushing to get what she wants before her time runs out. I'm not sure yet, I just met her, see, it's too early to judge. If I should even judge at all.

Skittles might be closer in behaviour to that annoying sucidal cockroach, but she trusts Wonderwoman the most. Wonderwoman just feels to her more genuine and sincere, somethings she's not sure she's felt from the other characters she's met yet. She really doesn't think very much of Cindy Crekpot, becuase Cindy doesn't strike her as someone who thinks very much anyway. And out of all the characters she's met, Skittles is still pretty private and still focused on getting close to death, so she isn't likely to want to spend the rest of forever with anyone. After all, she needs someone or something to die. Soon. She's either to weak or too kind or too afraid to kill it herself. She's also not about to hurt anything to which it would matter.

But one things I do know about Skittles. She's a kid at heart, really, and she's also my baby.

Excuse me while I put Skittles to bed. She's kinda tired now.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:47 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Saturday, 10th January '04

'Three' and Post-'Three' Photos. At Last.

Whee! About time I had some original pictures up here. Thanks a billion to Jia for the camera. Sorry if the scanning is poor, had to do it in a rush.

The kind folks who came to watch 'Three', the matinee. From left, Winston, Jia, me, Alex, Kai, Dre, Hanting. Thanks too to Liang, both Ying and Si and Mich.

Just the three of us. The Pig, the Angel, and the Powerpuff Girl.

Fit and I in a precarious position.

The cast of Act 1, candidly shot. Jo, Me, Fit, Beck and Errol.

The full cast. Need I say more?

Me peering into the washing. I'm hoping what we washed did not include Errol's "magic wanking pants".

Swirling costumes.

Ave holding up something or other. The dryer makes clothes nice, warm and fluffy!

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 02:09 am
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Field Trip, Anyone? / Seventeen

Some random photos to start us off. Have realized that this Nokia 3200 actually takes stuff with pretty decent resolution, but I'm afraid the bumping bus wasn't quite conducive to taking good pictures. So bear with me, yeah?

I'm also too much in a rush to put up nice captions.

Field trip on Thursday was altogether fun, but damn exhausting. I can't tell why either... you'd think taking a bus around half of Singapore wouldn't be so bad, right? In a nutshell (this being part of the "Secrets" devising stage - heavens knows what TC is up to!), we each had previously identified a place that meant something to each of us in relation to that deep dark secret we shared on Tuesday (cf "My Baby's Got a Secret... Ooh..."). Today we visited a selection of the places in turn. There were supposed to be seven in total but we only got 'round to Changi Airport - my Coffee Club is GONE! *WAIL*, Errol's room, Wei's room and Beck's playground. Too bad we couldn't see the rest of the places because of sheer time constraints. Meanwhile some rules were set in place by the pesky "adults". No talking to TC or Audrey, no private transport either, and this for some reason included taxis.

And of course, true to the spirit of rebellion that's supposed to be the essence of "Secrets From My Room", we HAD to take cabs. Haha... I wonder what kind of scriptwriting fodder TC got out of that!

Wei, Yan, Beck and I were also speculating on the point of this entire exercise. We came up with various ideas like TC was observing the interactions to work out who could work with who, or to get himself a feel of the group dynamics (what sia, like Survivor). But since we had to take a video at each location to prove we had been there, Wei thought he might be planning one of those sentimental VCD gifts at the end of the production. Wouldn't put it past him either. But my best guess is that he just wanted us to learn to work together and have some quality bonding time.

Field trip aside, there was the Seventeen interview the next day. Mildly freaky, is how I'd classify the experience. Might be the residual effect of too many DIGUSTING scholarship interviews (that had equally unimpressive results), but the fact that someone was taking down my every word for publishing had me feeling VERY uncomfortable. You know, the fear that you'd say something that would make me look stupid for life - even by the standards of a teenybopper mag - or something that would wind up being inflamatory or defamatory to anyone in TNS or in "Secrets" when I don't mean it. One safety net though, I don't think anyone I know ACTUALLY reads Seventeen, right? *crosses fingers*. Hopefully that means they won't see my really constipated-looking photograph either. This just confirms it, I'll NEVER be a model. *grin*.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 01:25 am
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Tuesday, 6th January '04

My Baby's Got A Secret... Ooh...

Let me first state that grey looks on pink like Christina Aguilera's dress sense - i.e. I couldn't possibly think of anything worse.

Having got that out of the way, TFYE has started again. Oops. Wait, pardon, mon amis, we have graduated! *whoops and cheers* Prep for M1 Theatre Connect thus begins good and proper. Like I was telling Yan as we walked from the bus-stop... once we step underground, there's no turning back. Past the point of no return, and I'm guessing we won't see the sun much. Figuratively speaking.

Attendance was amazing, much thanks to the new folks to join our mostly-happy little family, Audrey (SM) and Mei (ASM), Audrey's nags and threats. *big smile* I'd say we need it. We had all but one today, and it was reminescent of this reunion dinner type senario:
"Sitiiiii!!! Whassap???"
"Tashaaaa!!! You rebonded your hair!!!"
Ha, it was fun. Geraldine's still absent, Ave's still this little girl with the huge personality, Yan's his brooding stoic self with the same rare outbreaks of shining grins, Siti's still this bouncy mad thing, Tasha's got the straight hair, Wei's still suffering from post A-levels traumatic syndrome, Jo's still 2D (I mean that in a good way!), HP has Amery in tow, Fit is ever the rebel, Krystal's still the Chinese Language's antichrist, Beck is stunned from media law (can you believe they summarised all my Sem 1 work in 2 hours?) and Errol is still... *frown*... um, a character and TC seems to have no alternative cold-wear to the SAJC sweater. Again.

So it's nice now to see how much we've changed and how much we haven't and I liked that we all had time to sit and bum and talk while other more important things were going on - more on that later. And my organiser looks adequately vandalised for the start of the season. Ave's entry was a particular highlight. *pounce*.

Secrets From My Room. Right. We recreated comfortable settings for ourselves today, and I really wished for my camera to capture our little dens. It was like building those hidey holes like when we were kids, and I had forgotten how much fun it was to do all that. My resourcefulness needed a little shaking into action though. Must be careful not to grow up. Not now, at least =). The one by one we invited TC into the hidey holes for a cuppa and a chat on a deep dark secret we each had. Suffice to say it was like having a deliver-to-your-doorstep pyschiatrist, but while having that nagging feeling that you'd better get it out alright becuase all that while you're talking, the great brain is churning out ideas for the coming script. *gulp* Sorry if the entries on SFMR are ambiguous from now on. We're sworn to secrecy.

And the brochure is out! So much for all Wee Khim's nagging, our main picture is still one of the not-so-nicest. The Such Sweet Sorrow pics, on the other hand, were edited superbly. Will scan in the brochure as soon as we're allowed to disclose it. And check it out, we're worth $15! Not bad, not bad. Press launch coming too, and once again I'm wowed by the magnitude of this and wondering if I have taken on too much.

Shucks. Should go read contract cases. *rains on own parade* But on another note, this is some good shit.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:41 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Sunday, 4th January '04

2004, Beware My Wrath

'Tis the new year! The year of my twentieth birthday *sigh*, no more xiao hai zi. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I'm not one for making new year resolutions either... I never keep any and I never see why there is a wait for the new year to resolve to make a difference in my life. I make resolutions all year round (and break them all year round too). =) But just for good measure here are some I've come up with:
- return library books. ON TIME. Not eventually.
- mug. DAMN HARD.
- mug. PERIOD.
- mop the floor more often. And empty the trash.
- read the news. Or at least watch it.
- remember watch TV. Especially Scrubs.
- be grateful, not jealous.
- pray.

I promise myself this will be a good year, and I will be a good person to be around. I will enjoy myself, I will be disciplined but I will not live a wasted life. I will dance around my room when I'm stressed and I will write a song / script when I'm depressed. Yay.

And tomorrow (today? It's now past twelve) school will start. Have honestly been partying a bit too much and wasting too much time this hols, but this is no time to regret it. In actual fact I don't, I would have regretted not spending time with the Smubs and the 401 Gang even more. But it's not stopping me from feeling somewhat out of breath when I'm at the verge of what promises to be yet another hectic semester. Have not done any advance-reading, mind, and have just bought a new (sci-fi) book courtesy of Tzo's Physics genius. And now my left foot's got pins and needles in it. You can tell I'm getting cranky at the meer prospect of starting school.

Which is odd. I LIKE Law, remember? I'm now reminded forcefully of those times in primary school when I'd be just terrified of starting the school year without having a concrete reason why. I'm now too old to be this terrified, but let's just say I'm unsettled. More so than when school was starting after the post-A's, eight month hiatus. I believe we call this stress. *grumble*

And I still have a bed and table-load to personal junk to pack up before I crash. And a floor to mop. Looks like I'm going to get an early start on the breaking of the resolutions. *growl*

Watch out, 2004!

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 02:20 am
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]