Thursday, 29th March '07
What Guys Should Really Do If They Want to Make a Girl Happy
Back from an unexpected trip to Timbre with Sara and Chris, and an unexpected running into EIC. Joy. 3 John Mayer covers in less than 2 hours, and they're coming to the Law Fraternity Concert on Friday. Which Chris unglamorously refers to as the "Law Fertility Concert", but i digress.
Anyways, I have been an exquisite bum of late. This entry is no different.
The following is an excerpt from a Facebook group called ďThere are some things that Guys should always do for Girls. Period.Ē It starts with a disclaimer that reads as follows:
ďThere are always exceptions to this list. The foundational exception is when you actually talk to the her and she says something different than what is included within this list. These suggestions don't provide you with the holy grail of dating or offer you the Ten Commandments for the Ladies Man, they're simply a push in the right direction for being a gentleman.Ē
I have decided that it might be useful to get my exceptions out in the open. *shrug*. Also because I think this list is slightly stereotyped and is in need of a bit of an update. Youíre welcome to disagree; a little dialogue would be welcome. In particular, Iím interested to hear what guys think of this stuff Ė outdated? An example of silly feminists trying to have their cakes and eat them too? You tell me, because I usually agree with the dudes.
So here we go: -
1. Open doors when possible - whether it be to a building or the passenger car door. The classic example that's stood the test of time.
When I was younger (read: 16 or less) I used to think this was purely redundant. Nowadays, I think itís kinda nice. BUT it confuses me because, what happens if the girl gets to the door first? Is she supposed to just walk through first, leaving the guy behind? I find that sort of impolite. So what I do is if I get there first, I hold it for him. Then I worry if by doing so, I have socially emasculated him. Then I feel guilty. Wow, now that's a mess. Ok men, clue me in here.
2. When in a place of worship (or other places that have aisles and pews), if a man is at the end of the pew, when exiting he should stand in the aisle and let all the females go before him.
I donít think I really care either way. Maybe itís too Western a notion.
3. A man should tolerate the occasional chick flick, musical, opera, or ballet - whatever her preference is - *without* complaining about it! (Because the guy may just like it.)
I agree he should, but only if she will watch soccer games with him, let him scratch his belly and burp, and play DOTA / WOW / CS with him every now and again. Too many girls want it all their way, and then bitch about losing their boyfriends to DOTA or Chelsea Ė suck it up lah, it comes with the territory.
I can deal with a bit of a compromise on both sides Ė I wonít do the burping, but then again he doesnít have to do the chick flicks because theyíre largely a waste of time. I hate the burping so much, I will even watch (proper, which means not teen slasher movies) horror flicks without squealing and burying my face in his chest, thus interrupting his enjoyment of a perfectly legitimate art form. Unless he WANTS me to squeal and bury my face in his chest, which I can do with gusto (things that years of drama school help with!), but only if he pays another 8 bucks so I can watch the movie again, this time allowing me to appreciate the said legitimate art form. You have to understand, boys, it takes some effort to remember to conciously exercise your vocal chords in a place you've been traditionally taught to sit still and be quiet in.
4. Play one of the songs that would make any woman weep like the little girl she once was (but in a good way). A brief list includes, but certainly isn't limited, to:
"You & Me" by Lifehouse
-- I havenít heard this one. Horrors, I know. But I donít think anything by Lifehouse could be bad. Wonít make me cry.
Anything by Frank Sinatra
-- Nice, but not crying material either. ďThe Way You Look TonightĒ is a good song, but heavily overrated.
Any rendition of "Everything I Do, I Do it for You"
-- THIS IS THE ONE. Every time I play it on guitar and thereís that change of key at the last chorus my stomach quivers with joy and anticipation. YOU HEARD THAT BOYS? THIS GIVES ME STOMACH QUIVERS. It won't make me cry, but it WILL make me swoon, which is much much better.
"Collide" by Howie Day
-- Sweet, Iíll give you that.
"Out Of My League" by Steven Speaks
And MOST IMPORTANTLY "Question" by the Old 97's. If you propose to a girl with this song, she is putty in your hands. ("Putty in your hands" is not meant to promote "using women" in any way. This group does not encourage guys to be polite in order to get her into bed.)
-- I havenít decided if I like the ďYou want to apply for HDB flat?Ē approach or not. Iíll get back to you on that.
5. Talk! The strong & silent bit goes from intriguing to boring quite fast.
YES. Absolutely true. But this has to be qualified. Donít talk about yourself too much. Donít even talk about her too much. Find a real topic of discussion, or even a really nonsense chatter if the situation so calls for it. Talking is a chance to impress with your worldliness, sense of humour, communication skills and ease of expression. Girls are selecting for all these favourable traits all the time, even subconsciously. Itís only natural Ė and yes, Darwinian.
6. Find out what her favourite flower is and buy them for her randomly (regardless of the situation you might be in). A simple yet profound truth: a single rose says more than dozens of anything else.
HahahaÖ I had this EXACT conversation with Han a few weeks back. So Iíll say it again. Spontaneity really is that important, but so is creativity. Sticking to one flower all the time is old, and you have to cater it to the girl at hand. Like Qiong will like the roses, but specifically blood red in black ribbon. En Ying likes tiny daisies, and you could pick them off the road by the side of the busstop for all she cares.
Roses must remove thorns, hor.
7. If you miss her, or love her, TELL HER! Even your friends like to hear it every now & again.
Of course. In proportionate doses though. Never good to overdo anything, else you just look needy.
8. Re-enact Zales commercials (the ice is nice but certainly not mandatory).
Dunno lah, too angmoh, I donít get it.
9. Remember: the best gifts you can give are usually free of cost.
Absolutely. I dunno about the rest, but I usually think the handmade stuff will melt a heart of stone.
10. Leave a note (or send a message) just to say "hi".
Again, in proportion. 3 MSN conversations a day might work when youíre actually in a relationship. Not when she has an approaching exam, or when youíve only known her a week.
11. Ask her questions about herself.
Ok. Like duh. How you going to know her otherwise?
12. Dress nice every once & a while. Any girl likes to see her brother/friend/boyfriend/etc. in a well-ironed button-up with some nice slacks.
Ahahah. This will take some explanation. I find it very hard to say what the right way is of doing this. Itís not a straightforward as Rule 12 says it is. There are some guys (I find they are usually the slim, tall, dark haired, bespectacled kind) that can do this, STRUT along, and girls just THUD in their path. Fine, I have thudded before. The style is preppy to formal, but itís more in the attitude they carry the clothes with. Like they know they wear good stuff and they behave such as to respect the clothing. Contrary to popular belief, it isnít immediately un-manly to dress well.
Please match with a muted cologne Ė youíre not trying to put on enough to knock out an army of Axis forces a la WWI (I think; My history is bad). I wonít say when I made this happy little insight, but I can tell you the rule of thumb straight up front: if she spends an evening being close to him (I mean this in perfectly innocent ways), dancing with him or just lying on his shoulder, he will be fondly remembered the next day she does her laundry and catches a whiff of something pleasant that smells like him. The reason I say muted is because she will also end up smelling like him and she doesnít want to smell like a sandalwood doll, which is what happens if he goes too spicy. Personally, I recommend CK-One.
The other kind of well-dressed males are the kind with flamboyant shirts and immaculately coiffed hair. The style isnít preppy or formal; itís flowing, colourful, and larger than life. They unbutton shirts down to the navel showing off a well-carpeted chest. Strangely enough, theyíre usually slim, tall, dark haired but not-bespectacled. They also respect their clothes. But they just look gay. Not that gay is a bad thing, but for obvious reasons it wonít get them girls.
13. PRIDE & PREJUDICE ...that's all I have to say about that (I mean, that should speak for itself). (It's even more impressive if he has read the book.)
Iíve never read the book, and I have little patience or the genre. Even the fans of the book I know donít make this a big deal in a guy, I assure you. You can safely skip this rule. It's overrated. It's not the Pride and Prejudice that's the crux of the matter. It's about knowing and showing he appreciates something she likes, he doesn't have to like it, he just has to know of it and have an intelligent opinion.
14. Tolerate small children as best you can. Meaning, put up with the things that can get annoying. They're children, after all. Show them love and care, teach them how to become a better man than you. (You were once extremely irritating. Get over the obnoxious kids and enjoy getting down to their level - not "for her", but for the good of yourself and others.)
Most girls like small children lah. And even if they donít, he usually wonít go too far wrong being nice and patient.
15. Learn to dance! There is nothing sexier than a man who can dance really well. If God did not bless you with the grace of Fred Astaire, at least put forth the effort, it will be greatly appreciated. Always slow dance (even if it's just like you danced in middle school).
Ah, Iím a sucker for this, but I donít know how far itís true that this is a big deal to many girls. For those that do like guys with the moves though, itís quite inexplicable why these guys set hearts a-flutter. They say, oh, itís cool that a dancer knows all the positions, all the right moves, and are flexible (imagine the possibilities). Again, I donít know how far this much is in conscious consideration. I think itís more the confidence and sociability that the ability to dance in public implies. Whatever, guys who can dance are HAWT.
Ö also, men, sing to a lady. Even if you're terrible, suck it up! They love to listen to it and will not care what you sound like. It's the thought that counts on this one. Unless you're just downright terrible, nothing sexy about that.
If you can, also play guitar. Better yet, play John Mayerís 2003 Grammy version of ďYour Body is a WonderlandĒ and sing it.
16. Kiss her on the forehead.
17. When she's sick, stay up with her. If you can cook (which is *always* a plus), make her some soup. If you can't cook, there's Campbell's soup at hand for you.
You canít argue with the wisdom of 16 and 17.
18. Pretend to throw her in the pool (or fountain/pond). If you really do throw her in, you'd better jump in yourself.
NOTE: There are some women who just hate this apparently, so you had better do two things: 1) Never allow your buddies be a part of it if you're unsure of how she feels about getting thrown in and 2) You had better know how she feels about it!
Let me explain how this works. Itís probably somewhat Darwinian too that girls want guys to be bigger and stronger than they are. If you can pick her up and throw her, sheís again selecting good genes, and knowing thereís someone who can protect her babies. Also, attention is like the twin sibling of publicity Ė thereís no such thing as bad attention.
That said, a guy who throws in a girl whoís having her period is in for a very very bad time.
19. Hold her hand while you talk, drive, or just for the heck of it (it's the small things that win you big points).
20. LOOK IN HER EYES, NOT AT HER CHEST!!!!!
If you didnít know 19 and 20, natural selection should have eliminate you by now.
Ok, that's all for tonight. I think there are about 20 more, but you need some time to mull over this "sage wisdom" as I've been generously told it is. Ha.
[7 photographs developed.]
Monday, 26th March '07
Thanks, Qiong, for Another Survey.
One more way to get a blog entry when you have nothing specially good to say.
List 10 musical artists you like, in no specific order (do this before reading the questions below).
1. John Mayer (um, duh)
2. The Smiths
3. Steely Dan
4. Backstreet Boys
5. Jason Mraz
6. Sandi Thom
7. Maroon 5, in the Kara's Flowers permutation too
8. Wang Li Hong
9. Imogen Heap
10. Jack Johnson
What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
[Sandi Thom] "I Wish I Was a Punk Rocker (with Flowers in My Hair)".
What is your favorite song of 2?
[The Smiths] It's either "How Soon is Now" or "Bigmouth Strikes Again". It's very close, I coulde debate the issue right here and now, but I do intend to get some sleep tonight. Eventually.
What is your favorite lyric of 5?
[Jason Mraz] "And it's amazing how she's so self-assured / But I know she'd hate me if she knew my words / Do I hurt anymore? /Do I hurt? / Well / I don't"
How many times have you seen 4 live?
[Backstreet Boys] 0.
What is your favorite song by 7?
[Maroon 5 / Kara's Flowers] Ragdoll. No, it's not from the Songs About Jane album; it's a stand alone indie recording from the Kara's Flowers configuration. Well, maybe it's not even a FAVOURITE in the classic sense of the term, but it's a song that helped me through a rough time, and even if it makes me cry I love it so.
Is there any song by 3 that makes you sad?
[Steely Dan] Not yet.
What is your favorite lyric of 2?
[The Smiths] "And now I know how Joan of Arc felt / When the flames rose to her Roman nose and her hearing aid started to melt"
What is your favorite song by 9?
"Hide and Seek". Amazing synthesized a capella sound, awesome lyrics and so haunting it'll stay with you the whole night. Also gives me dramatic choreographic ideas.
When did you first get into 1?
Now which level of obsession would you like me to explain? I first heard his stuff in 2002, when "No Such Thing" played on the radio. I took notice of it because it was upbeat, hopeful yet cocky, defiant and catchy. And it was a song that as I was coming out of J.C., made it through the A's and the mad, utterly fruitless scholarship application debacle, I had a lyrical relation to -
"I want to run through the halls in my high school
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as a real world
Just a lie you have to rise above
I just can't wait till my 10 year reunion
I want to bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for"
And a few months later I saw the awesome 2003 Grammy performance of "Your Body is a Wonderland". A generous solo improvisation with a Martin & Sons Co acoustic steel string later, I'm sold. I decide my future husband would need to learn to do the same. Ave predicts a long period of singlehood. Sigh.
Then I come across Why Georgia, with the lyrics "So what so I've got a smile on, it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head". I found my soulmate Mr Mayer.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
How did you get into 3?
[Steely Dan] Clay Aiken did a cover of one of their songs "Still the One" for his demo "Look What Love Has Done / Redefined" album. I found the original, found a few other songs and generally fell in a steady like.
What is your favorite song by 4?
[Backstreet Boys] Mother-difficult question. I think it's "Just to Be Close", off the first self-titled album. Killer harmonies.
How many times have you seen 9 live?
[Imogen Heap] 0.
What is a good memory concerning 4?
[Backstreet Boys] When we were playing bridge in a motel room in Perth, Western Australia - we being a large group of 301 RGS girls - the radio show of the moment (Rick Dees and the Weekly Top 40!) played "I Want It That Way". The entire game just stopped as everyone simulatneously started singing along. It was the first time I truely saw how music can heal the soul.
Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?
[Wang Li Hong] "兩個人並不等於我們". Because I obtained it at the hands of someone for whom I wondered what the lyrics said. The irony is painful, even if it's not that great a piece. On a more playful note, the song "Not Your Average Thug" makes me sad because it makes Chinese people sound very very lame.
What is your favorite song of 1?
[John Mayer] This is very nearly impossible. I think an all time favourite, for nostalgic reasons, is "Why Georgia". "Tracing" and "Quiet" (indie recordings) are very close. Lately I like "Stop This Train" and "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room".
How did you become a fan of 10?
[Jack Johnson] I was browsing John Mayer albums on Amazon.com, and Amazon recommended Jack Johnson. You know, in that "other customers who bought this album also bought..." section. I got my hands on "The Horizon Has Been Defeated". Amazon was right, I liked him.
[1 photograph developed.]
Sunday, 4th March '07
In the immortal words of Bart Simpson...
EAT MY SHORTS!
(Ed: Telling the likes of Mr 'Handjob' and Ms "Titties' to eat my shorts is already letting them off easy, seeing as they have been, for the past lots of blog spam, telling me to eat their p*ssy. )
I am so satisfied with this result right now, I would put this screenshot up as my desktop wallpaper, except that it's currently decorated with one of the best football spoofs I've seen since the Materazzi/Zidane remix:
I just love how the space about Bellamy's head is a perfect fit for all my desktop icons.
[1 photograph developed.]
Saturday, 3rd March '07
All Hail Greymatter 1.7.1
As it says above, this is one of those webmaster posts that highlight a little change in the administration of the Funnyfishcakes blog.
Funnyfishcakes.com is now powered by the upgraded Greymatter 1.7.1, and I am mucho pleased with the anti-spam protections this provides. I have set it on the lowest level of protection for now, which causes minimal interference to your reading pleasure. Just note that all comments containing more than 5 links will be automatically blocked, as per the announcement on the left column.
I'm also very stoked about the multiple comment delete function the new version has integrated, which again is of no consequence to anyone who's not actually blogging with the aid of Greymatter. This is just me letting you know I'm happy.
However, the webmaster interface is now a much duller, oatmealy (as Limin would say) brown. It used to be a far more stimulating shade of lilac. Well, you can't have it all. I think the emoticons in the new version might look a little more vertically squashed too, but at least they're animated. I'll keep them that way for now since they're also kinda cute and a change is nice. Though I must admit I quite miss the old little guys already.
Right then. It is back to Van Gend en Loos and the principles of direct effect and supremacy of EC law.
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]