Tuesday, 19th May '09
Ways to Avoid Myocardial Infarction (and Other Similarly Dramatic, Colloquially Referred to Stress-Related Diseases)
The things people do. Good grief. I wonder if there is a medical name for "acute stupidity". If there isn't, there should be. Or I will resort to calling it "make-me-clench-my-fists-and-shake-them-at-the-heavens-opathy".
So. In some effort to avoid having a coronary at some premature juncture in my life, I have decided to take a leaf out of Gregory House's book and turn to the healing powers of angst, sarcasm and just plain being rude. For many reasons, I would urge you not to search for meaning in the ensuing phrases... it'll be a futile activity seeing as I
(i) Tend to ham things up for artistic purposes. Seriously. No one wants to read an angsty gripe that isn't dripping with loathing. No angsty gripe worth its salt can be crafted with anything but searing hate in mind. Imagine how effective a phrase such as this is:
"A knave, a rascal, an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pander, and the son and heir to a mongrel bitch..."
-- William Shakespeare, King Lear, 2.2
As opposed to the more modern:
(ii) Have been storing angsty gripes for quite a while and will now proceed to play them all "out of season". Meaning that if you're looking to tie anything down to a recent event... sorry.
So the thought of the season is this: "That answer is so far down on the evolutionary ladder... are you sure you've even got opposable thumbs?"
I've been trying to refine this one for a while now. Trying to work this one out in such a way that it has a bit more of a ring to it... something with better metre or a little pithier. Work in progress.
However, paying with Nitro today I realised there is truth to that statement. I mean, I told him to fetch his ball. He fetched his ball. Told him to give me the cloth. He gave me the cloth. Told him to give me the bone. He gave me the bone. That's better than some humans can do with other four-lettered commonplace items.
[1 photograph developed.]
Thursday, 7th May '09
One of the things I never thought I'd do at work:
Mime the act of getting high by sticking a Marvy marker up one's nostril.
And then fall over myself laughing at the sheer "cleverness" of that joke. It's a long story involving some confusion between cutesy Japanese-type fragrant stamp pads, versus the thought of sniffing xylene-infused ink.
I'm very easily amused, obviously.
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]
Wednesday, 6th May '09
Orthomyxoviridae, or, Yet Another of En Ying's Periodic Attempts to Stop Being a Dumb Lawyer and Remember Some Science
Today I decided to spend my lunch break feasting on Yoshinoya (beef and salmon combo value meal, if you must know) and reading Wikipedia articles on Influenza A/H1N1.
Didn't get that far, seeing as after killing the usual work related emergencies - which have a bizarre penchant for cropping up just before lunchtime - and walking out to buy food, there were only about 20 minutes of lunch left.
In any event, here's the most interesting bit of what I have learnt today:
Influenza A is one of the five generas of Orthomyxoviridae, which are essentially a group of RNA viruses.
Nothing spectacular about this information, I suppose. Not anything worth blogging about, anyway. Not at least until you note the full range of the five generas under Orthomyxoviridae:
1. Influenza A
2. Influenza B
3. Influenza C
First question. Does it perplex anyone other than me that they didn't just name Nos. 4 and 5 "Influenza D" and "Influenza E"?
Second question. Assuming that "Influenza D" and "Influenza E" were such inappropriate names, which bright spark decided to name them what he did?
"Thogotovirus" - The Go-To Virus for WHAT, pray tell.
And "Isavirus"... are you kidding me? Of course I know it Is A Virus, numbskull.
Oh alright, it's not like "A", "B" or "C" were particularly educational names either. But seriously, Is A Virus?! Have some shame.
[1 photograph developed.]