Monday, 24th July '06

Click, Bang, What A Hang! Your Daddy Just Shot Poor Me.

Andre CANCELS ON ME for the dive trip!!

andre says:
i hope u still go

en ying "click, bang, what a hang! your daddy just shot poor me." says:
me too

andre says:
otherwise i'd feel even worse

en ying "click, bang, what a hang! your daddy just shot poor me." says:
forget it lah
feel bad also no use
*pat pat*

andre says:
thats true
no need to hang my head so low =)

en ying "click, bang, what a hang! your daddy just shot poor me." says:
yeah. a bit low can already

andre says:
and your msn pic doesnt help things

en ying "click, bang, what a hang! your daddy just shot poor me." says:
do you want an angrier looking one?

andre says:
angry enough
change to a more forgiving one

en ying "click, bang, what a hang! your daddy just shot poor me." says:
you wish
go hang your head a bit lower

andre says:
its below the table already
very hard for me to type to u

en ying "click, bang, what a hang! your daddy just shot poor me." says:
AHAHAH. i'm tempted to tell you to hang it low enough to suck your dick, but i won't

andre says:
i need to go remove 3 ribs
get back to u asap

Now that's my friend. Always so eager to please. smile

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 12:57 am
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Thursday, 20th July '06

Ministry of (Really Loud) Sound

Meep. I'm deaf. And very very sleepy, having dragged my weary night-lifed out self home as the rest of the world made its way to work. Hahaha. I think I am not going clubbing again for a looonnngggg loooooooonnnnnnnnggggggg time. smile

Ministry of Sound was actually a lot more fun than I thought it would be. I was expecting some chi-chi club where everyone sat around being all cooler-than-thou and thumpity-thump house music resonated its way through the walls. Not so! Of course there was the house music part, but it was pretty decent and chill-out. The main floor was a freaking Mambo Night, minus the Zouk bit and minus the cute Ah Bengs. But Zouk is going downhill (we met the law Bimz afterwards when we had supper/breakfast and they had just come from Mambo and didn't like it). The last time I was at Mambo it was just too bloody crowded and all the best Ah Bengs weren't there anymore. The R&B area, Smoove, was awful because it was nose-to-nose kinda packed, and I felt like I was in a swarm of little kids. So we migrated upstairs to the best place ever, the retro-room 54, where the older set (late 20s-early 30s) hung out and where Limin and I were more used to the antics of drunken angmohs. Oh, and where I can sing almost every song they play.

Heh... Babs and Lung and I were just clowns. We weren't cool and we knew it, so why pretend. We just ran around jumping and playing air guitar and doing whatever Mambo moves we could. Heeeeeheeee.

And making snide comments about everyone else. Here are some of the "friends" we made last night:

1. Mr Bean
We fell in love with this guy the moment we saw him. First he was twitching spastically on the dance floor in Pure (house). Like Mr Bean with epilepsy. And then when we moved to 54 (retro), he and his more normal friends went too. That's where we realise he can Twitch to the Beat! To Lipp's "Funky Town", no less. Wenzheng is tickled pink.

2. Checkered Shirt House-Guy, His White Von Dutch Shirted Indian Friend & Green Man
Three characters that managed to dance together but alone to house music. Doing passable renditions of half-moonwalks and Henikken arm waves. Von Dutch was quite enthu at some point and started randomly jumping and doing da Hitler and generally being more eye-catching all of a sudden. I think it coincided with the entry of a bunch of hot chicks with shorts skirts, low cut tops, makeup and precious little else. Green Man (so named because of green T-shirt) later also moved to 54 with us.

3. The Eurasian / Chinese Duo
These two are damn cute lah. One Eurasian boy and one Chinese boys about our age, moving from room to room, but being so GARANG in each one that they were a joy to behold. Really garang. As in stand on the stage and be cheer squad kind of garang. I loved that they just did whatever, vibed their energy to the people around them, and looked insanely happy in the process.

4. Monkey Man
Of course Limin spotted this one first. Dude stands in the corner of Pure, next to the DJ, in some sort of demi-pliť, hang his arms by the sides and bops. Occassionally one hand comes up and does a little spirit fingers / circular rounds. Legs never deviate from the demi-pliť.

5. Cigarette-Smoking Man & the Dubious Girl(s)
One of the first characters we started observing that night. Mostly becasue Limin and I had become used to the ways of our perpetually horny, man-whore friends in the Blue Mountains / Halifax, and we now consider ourselves experts on critiquing guys picking up girls. And for me it was just as hilarious as watching the Halifax boys. Even more so because while Limin and I could practically make an instruction video, Wenzheng was just sitting there amusedly. Anyways, CSM's manner could use some help. He's not too bad in the hand-holding way, but for goodness sake he's damn humji lah. He kept letting her run away. Touch a bit then retract. Touch a bit then retract. Hello, you want her or not? "Her" being Dubious Girl. The reason she's dubious is because Wenzheng wouldn't have touched her with a 10-foot pole. She was with a friend (who no one was touching with poles of any length) because her friend looked like a transvestite. Dubious Girl was, well, not such a clearcut case but Wenz was like "why? Why would he go after her?". And Limin and I nod sagely and reply, "Beer Googles."

6. Blondie & PRC
Blondie is another one we picked out right at the start of the day because he was radiating the predatory instinct right from the start. The kind that has a certain amount of confidence in this practice, stands by the dance floor with his whiskey-coke glass to his lips, and peers over the rim surveying the fresh meat gyrating in front of him. Any how, he didn't look cannot-make-it or anything, so I assumed he'd get something at least. We left him in 54 early on, maybe 12:30, and when we came back 3 hours later, he'd already started putting the moves on this tiny PRC girl. A bit slow lah, but whatever. He wasn't terrible either, but he provided an endless source of amusement to us. I think we kept a running commentary on him half the time: "And look at Blondie go! Damn happy now lah!" / "I think she's PRC, no, I think she's Taiwanese". By the time we left MoS, we saw them exchange numbers and were standing outside waiting for a cab. Wenz: "I bet he's saying: Please please please come home with me...", but personally I didn't think he was going to get any that night. He was just too SLOW. Took so long covering each base that he really didn't have a hope.

In the meantime, Green Man picks up the Cigerette Smoking Man's leftovers - i.e. Dubious Girl. Green Man seems to fair a lot better CSM, which puzzles me because CSM looked a better catch. Dubious Girl, to her credit, is rather sweet and shy and there was a full-on moment where she and Green Man got pushed rather close together, faces about an inch away, and they looked at each other expectantly. I was really expecting him to kiss her. And then she giggles and looks down. Wah liao! I felt like I was watching a Chinese soap opera lah! You know those Channel 8 dramas where the characters should have been together years ago but no one got anywhere because they were too humji, and you sit in front of the TV cursing them and every class A bitch that gets in the way? I feel a twinge of empathy for the characters, dash my fist against my palm and mutter in disappointment.

For the record, all these horny characters, unless otherwise mentioned are angmoh. Dubious Girl could have been Chinese-Malay. Chinese boys have too much fun being bengs themselves to go picking up girls, and that's part of their cuteness. Fine, I'm an Ah Lian at heart.

7. The Chinese Cha-Cha Man
Before the 54 dance floor got crowded he stood there and did cha-cha steps by himself. We're convinced he's the reason the floor took so long to get crowded.

8. Crazy Haired Woman
The one person who managed to dirty dance, by herself, to house music. Limin was impressed. I was mystified.

9. The Stumbling Fake-Fall Girl
She pretended to trip over a step and crashed right into the middle of Limin, Wenz and me. She shrieked a "sorry!" and floated away. No idea what that was about.

Mmph. I'm tired. Need to go back to bed. My ears are still ringing from all that noise.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:54 pm
[2 photographs developed.]

Friday, 14th July '06

Just When You Thought You Heard Enough About Zidane and the Headbutt

I simply couldn't resist.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:28 am
[4 photographs developed.]

Thursday, 13th July '06


Well it wasn't the Star Awards, but it was a night of glitz and "glamour" (sort of) nonetheless. We were very... smick. What a word. It was also the highest class dinner we've ever had as the group of us. Thanks to Limin, who incessantly nagged us to be dressed to the nines, we turned up in our Wednesday Best, all ready to partake in the Ritz Carlton's fabulous buffet.

Do not scoff at the effort put in. Ben wore a long sleeved shirt with buttons. Bert, to my utter amazement, a JACKET. Shaun was pushed over the edge by Limin's "make sure to dress up!!" messages that popped up on his handphone at least thrice a day, and came this close to putting on a top hat, coattails and monocle.

Check it out. We look good, if I do say so myself.

Thank you, Kai, for photos. I shameless koped the collages from her blog, which you should totally check out HERE.

Whatever the case, it's been a long time since I've seen the guys in anything beyond the RJ PE T-shirts and slippers.

Last night, the only slippers in sight were the slipper lobsters, thank God.

And that was a bunch of shots of the Graduation Cake. That the Ritz so kindly gave us, compliments of the hotel. The waitres was so funny, presenting it to Limin she mentioned that it was from the rest of us. And NONE of us knew what was going on. You should have seen our clueless faces. None of us wanted to be the one to admit we didn't order that cake, for fear that one of us actually DID do it in our names. Hahaha. Andre and Ben had these "wtf is going on?" looks that utterly confused me.

In between the buffet helpings we discussed everything from what Materazzi said to Zidane (Limin and Shaun have conflicting stories, of course, and Shaun insists he's right because his source is SOCCERNET. *sigh*) to the possibilities of buying an airline for 1 Ringgit. Of course, no one can ever resist a good whacking at Limin, so we did so with much enthusiasm. It being Limin's graduation party and all, we were very careful not to let her get too big-headed. It is said that one's friends bring one back down to earth - friends like Smubs will bury you six feet under and then spit on your grave. Sample these anecdotes, all rehashed from the days of yore, and repackaged in a limited edition collectors' item dosage:

1. Do you remember how Babs got her name? Just in case you forgot, there was the bus bearing the Hamadryas Baboon advertisement for the Singapore Zoo...

2. Can you give her a Sprite? - Huh? *Poor Limin voice* But I want peach tea!

3. Limin, there are only six of us here tonight. Really. wink

4. H-um, HUMM! HUMMMMMM!!! HHHUUUUUUUMMMMMMM! You mean you don't know what that means? Why don't you check the Oxford dictionary?
-- This is followed by a ridiculously inappropriate amount of laughter for anyone sitting in a posh Ritz Carlton restaurant. Ben is so overwhelmed he has to excuse himself from the table and run to a corner of the room as his shoulders shake with laughter. Meanwhile, I laugh so hard I hyperventilate and tear enough to smudge my eyeliner.

5. I still love that birthday card I bought for Limin in the Lawtons on Spring Garden. It's your birthday, dear friend. *Picture of large monkey creature on the front cover* Time to catch up on some of the things you missed out on... *Next page* Like EVOLUTION!

6. Burn our MOGU, will you? WILL YOU?!?

7. Wallet under Ben's bed.

8. Shall we make a Limin sushi roll? Use the matteress as seaweed...

9. "Pluck your leg hair then you know!" / "Pain or not? Pain or not? Come, I show you WHERE to pull! Come, I guide your hand. Show me the middle finger... where's your middle finger? SHOW IT!"

10. Limin of Leura and the Legend of the...??

Hah. It will be a long time before I manage to put together 22 anecdotes like I promised.

And I don't "HAYCH" you, Kai.

And with that, we took too many photos in the opulent lobby and that was it. All the glamour being done with, we continued on with our lives as sad, penniless students. We walked back from the Ritz to City Hall MRT and took the train home. satisfied

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 09:56 pm
[4 photographs developed.]

I Am Singaporean

Wah, when I was first introduced to the Molson Canadian Joe Canadian advertisement, I thought it was fantastic. All us exchange students were tickled pink. I also thought no one in Singapore would have seen it.

Evidently I was wrong. It's caught on, thanks to the efforts of Mr Brown and Mr Miyagi. Sigh. Poor Mr Brown - give him his column back lah, come on, be nice. What, we're not allowed opinions anymore? The guy is a patriotic Singaporean man, it's not like he's about to commit high treason or anything, so cut him some slack.

In anycase, here's the Molson ad:

Here are the Singaporean spin-offs. I think they don't even come close to the original, but they're amusing nonetheless. I think they're more about being nostalgic than debunking wrongly held impressions of us. But National Day approaches (less than a month!), so might as well start the patriotism. I find Mr Miyagi's particularly poignant, especially when he makes those observations about NS, the World Cup, elections and wanting to barbecue the monstrosity that is the Merlion. *sigh*

Mr Brown's
Mr Miyagi's

I got the new passport today. Decided to not opt for biometrics because I was too cheap to pay the extra 10 bucks it cost. Owning a passport already costs 50 friggin' big ones and I doubt biometrics is going to help me much if I still have to wait for the friends I'm travelling with to clear customs.

I am Singaporean - but nabei, the passport is a disgusting shade of red.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 05:09 pm
[3 photographs developed.]

Tuesday, 11th July '06

Ten Reasons Zizzou Lost His Mind.

Ok, Azzuri lah, whatever. Just never, never, NEVER plain WATCH AN ITALIA MATCH WITH CHENG LIMIN. That smug, gloating, evil woman. I actually don't mind so much that Italy won, I mind it more that Limin waxes lyrical about how THEY (like: "Yay, WE finally won!") did it. Alright, alright, I'm just joking. I know how much their winning means to her. Yes, I am guilty of calling them "dirty" and "greasy-looking" and everything in between.

But Dre and I were like, yo, we're sure your sitting in the living room squeaking made Grosso score that last kick. Like, really. *earnest look*

The crazy woman wore her Italia shirt into my house - enemy territory, by the way - and sat on my sofa going on about her Del Piero and her "little boy" Cannavaro. I tell you, don't call him "Canna" in Singapore, it just translates into obscene Hokkien words.

For the record, Michelle also did the best last game summary I've seen yet. Points noted good and succintly in between her "chio laptop bag" research project. See as follows:

"The Azzuri vs Les Bleus, 1-1 at time of writing."
"WTF did Zizou just do. WTF. The man is 34 years old."
"Oh, Trezeguet. What have you done."

Speaking of Zizzou. Jeepers, both Limin and I woke up the next morning with our minds still better focused on the more important issue from the night before: WHAT IN THE *beepity beep* POSSESSED ZIDANE TO DO THAT?! Watching the replays I just freaking sat on my sofa and laughed till I cried. It was one of the most ABSURD things I've seen in a while. Makes me want to go walk around Orchard Road and whack the crown of my head into anyone whose face I kan4 bu4 shun4 yan3.

It's like Aaron (Ningz' Aaron) said: words can't kill, but headbutts might.

How I ever lived without youtube, I don't know.

So. In between, I came up with a marginally convincing list of reasons before Dad read the Straits Times and told me it was something about a racial slur. For crying out loud, I never knew Europeans to be all sensitive about racial issues. God knows the ones I know aren't shy about calling others "rice people" and other assorted race-oriented terms. So I figured my deductions made more sense:

10. He never got a red card before. Thought he'd see how it was to be a Baaaadd Boy for once.

9. He got tired of heading balls.

8. He thought it would be a shame if the Argentinian referee didn't get to give out a red card during this match under as exciting circumstances as the last time. Remember, the last time that ref gave a red card, it was Rooney at the receiving end.

7. He figured France was going to lose anyway, and thought this was a prime way to steal the thunder. Well, it evidently worked. Sneaky bastard.

6. Remember who scored the equalizing goal? Revenge, man, never underestimate the power of revenge.

5. Alternatively, he was in love and wanted to sweep the dude off his feet. He just forgot that that inevitably results in knocking someone on his ass.

4. He thought he'd learn from Viggo Mortenssen and Orlando Bloom. (White light! White light!) But at 1.94m or thereabouts, Materazzi was too tall.

3. Midlife Crisis, 'nuff said.

2. He got possessed by the ghost of Luis Figo when they swapped jerseys after the semi-final match.

1. That shiny pate wanted some of the hair off Materazzi's amply furry chest, and grew a mind of its own.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 05:43 pm
[3 photographs developed.]

Sunday, 9th July '06

"For a Country Without a Team, We're Really Interested in Soccer!"

Ok, technically we have a team. Um. Go Lions. Whatever. Techinically we also have an entire LEAGUE. (Can you BELIEVE Sengkang-Punggol has a team? Sorry Dre.) *sigh*. But as the greatest TV extravaganza of last month or so draws to a close tonight with the bleu vs azzuri final, might as well give the whole affair a bit of a eulogy.

Limin came back last night, so we of course took the opportunity to go out an enjoy the excuse for staying out REALLY late that the World Cup presents. (Or really early? By the time I got back home after the Germany-Portugal match my maid was WAKING UP.)

It has also occured to me how our soccer parties (for lack of a better word) have become lamer and lamer as we ran out of stamina and the price of hanging out went up. Look, we started out very decently at Robertson Walk's outdoor courtyard, paid a arguably reasonable price for beer and the right to park our asses there for a number of hours. In between we played taitee. Still all reasonably cool. In the early stages, we even got to C.H.I.J.M.E.S. and that was great for ambience - especially because of the enthusiastic Brazillians at the pub we were at.

Then the parties moved to my house and Lucas' house, where bakchormee and homemade cheesecakes made their appearances. Where we played mahjong to pass the time. Still can make it. Need to save money and it's always cheaper to stayover until the buses start running again the next morning.

You know what's SAD? Where we were forced to go last night. We watched the game at MACDONALD'S. Marginally better than our other option, which was the Kopitiam food court - not even a real kopitiam, mind you. *slaps forehead in despair* I knew we were never exactly cool, but this is a new low. confused Well at least it was an LCD TV. And it was at orchard road and the crowd wasn't exatly the ah-beng-ah-lian crowd I expected.

But all in good fun, yes?

Also, did you know C.H.I.J.M.E.S. now charges FIFTY BUCKS A HEAD to go in a pub and watch the game? Do I look like I'm made of money? Shameless profiteering commercial enterprises.

It's funny how much Singaporeans are willing to spend on football,or how much time we spend watching it, even if we don't have a team. The real clincher was hearing on the news last week about the amazing intiative our Singaporean kids can show when it really comes to it. A number of schools pushed back last week's Youth Day holiday till 10 July at the kids' request, so they could watch the finals. So who says Singaporean kids don't think out of the box?

Poor Limin though, I do have to apologise for continually slamming her. It's like a reflex action, I can't help it. I see Italy on the screen and I have to say something rude. It's like Henghwa says, even if we did like the team, it's a rule of law that we have to provide opposition to eveything she says. Everyone (including the little German-supporting continigent of Dre, Kai and me) has picked a side. Needless to say, Limin's going to be the only one yelling about forza Italia, and the rest of us are cheering for Les Bleus.

And I can't find a good juncture to put this bit in, but I do need to record one of those random tidbits that make us all laugh so hard. Until last week, Jeanette Sng the Brilliant thought Shakira's Hips Don't Lie was the official anthem of the World Cup. It's actually not that bad a mistake, but for some reason we couldn't stop laughing when we heard that. We can be quite lame, as mentioned.

In other news, the back is not being very friendly lately. Might have to seen an orthopedic soon. Bah. I'm too young for this. And Zaki's rehearsals haven't even started yet!

Ok, going off. Maybe will take a nap before Limin comes. 3 am soccer matches are terrible for my schedule. I'm just permanently nocturnal.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 10:30 pm
[1 photograph developed.]

Thursday, 6th July '06

Isn't It Funny...

- How God always ends up making my big lifetime decisions for me. Like seriously, I think he thinks I'm just too dumb to do it myself. Amazingly enough this time he actually gave me a choice, but he gave a damn disgustingly difficult call to make. He never goes easy on me. NEVER. Shit. You're a sneaky old man, up there, you know? Basket.

- How I can be disturbed about a $2000-$500-$4000/gymmembership/PDA/medicalbenefits deal. I tell you how lah, it's because I feel like a sell out. Well, not in the strictest sense of it, but I did feel like I traded happiness for fame and fortune. In the harshest terms. For Heaven's sake, it's work. It's not supposed to be fun. Stop being a hapless romantic fool.

- How I really think I will have no patience about the extended family oohing and ahhing and saying "En Ying's so clever" about this.

- How talking to Kai just made me realize it's because I'm scared. Scared shitless, dude. Like maybe I should go curl up in a corner and bawl like a baby.

- How stupid an idea that is.

- How the moment I decide I like a football team, they get kicked out. The World Cup is officially over for me.

- How positive a person I am but how my sudden emo outbursts are always negative nature. Like I say "DIE tonight, PORTUGAL!" instead of "Go France!"

- How I've never been so disturbed as to lose my appetite. But it's true, it's just GONE, thanks to the stress. Bloody hell. I just stared down orhluak, hokkien mee, hahm-her and kailan without flinching.

- How that is NOT attributable to the WC.

- How I just feel like cursing for no apparent reason. In every language I can think off. I tell you, the number of internationals I've met lately, it adds up to quite a bit. KNNBCCB. Ain't about the football either.

- How I still know deep down inside it's all going to be OOOOOKKKK. Shit, every intellectual fibre of me says this is a good thing.

- How blasting Eminem's "Shake that Ass" was oddly comforting - violent, non-women-respecting lyrics and all.

- How I'm always so thankful for Jia and Kai and these moments.

- How this is STILL a quarterlifecrisis, holy hell.

- How once again these words have meaning: "Either way I wonder sometimes about a still verdictless life / Still "everything happens for a reason" is no reason not to ask myself if I am living it right"

- How at the end of all this I'm just going to shut up, suck it, and go to bed.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 01:01 am
[4 photographs developed.]

Monday, 3rd July '06

Beckenbauer?! Hahahaha!

I have some very weird friends. Specifically a pair of twins who fancy themselves as Jose and Pedro. I don't know about you, but most little boys I know fantasize about being the football stars, not the other little boys that fantasize about playing with them.

Whatever man, this is still hilarious.

For the love of Mike, boys, y'all too free or what? plain

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 03:42 pm
[6 photographs developed.]