Saturday, 28th August '04

Just When I Thought I Was Over You, Just When I Thought I Could Stand On My Own...

I'm talking about the bloody fever by the way.

Updates: I'm feeling decent still, so no need to "poor en" me, honestly. smile All I feel is a bit stiff and tired, but the headaches have receeded mostly, and nothing spins that strongly anymore. Which makes me quite happy, when I count blessings.

Only problem, temperature is STILL at a discomfiting 38.5 degrees and shows no signs of backing down without the ol' Panadol. Which I'm finding increasingly hard to swallow, by the way. BUT I have discovered that if you take the stuff with Sunkist's Orange and Peach juice, it quite effectively masks that horrid bitter taste. hehe

And one more thing - Mum's decided to cut me a little slack this time, and we've ordered pizza home for dinner! Whee!

*rumble rumble*

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 07:20 pm
[3 photographs developed.]

Thursday, 26th August '04

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life!
*Whistles Piercingly*


Sorry, I promise after this last catharsis I will be chirppier. It's just that I had to swallow two more Panadols and they didn't taste good. But that was my own fault. I left them sogging in my buccal cavity too long. I'm just really bad at swallowing big round things. You know, like Panadols. Capsules, fine. Panadol CAPLETS? Sure. Little Ventolins. No sweat. BIG ROUND PANADOLS?


Now that that's over... we can move on to happier things. Like the currently unknown (and quite worrying) amount of money I spent on Chinhao a few minutes ago. Not that I'm grudging him my Idol votes, he really is a nice guy (rebonded hair and motor-mouth may give one pause, though). And hey, my MOTHER wants to vote for him. So no one will complain about the handphone bill.

But boy, was that voting system thing screwed. Or maybe it was my incapability to follow instructions written in simple English. I think I sent too many SMSes in the wrong format. ARGH.

So after the agony of Gurmit Singh teasing us with one "after the break" after another, Chinhao's into the final 10. And that means more hours of good TV, more nail biting hoping he doesn't say something like, well, Not Very Nice Sounding on national TV, and more money out of my pocket. And even if he isn't someone I always want to be near to (there's something about that motor-mouth, see), there's no denying he can sing and he's a great guy who deserves the success he's been getting.

Oh yes, maybe I should explain that I'm still not used to calling him David. Or "pink T David" / "your Law David" / "Ah Beng", for that matter.

So, go out there and kill your Goliaths, man (this writer denies all responsibility for that cheesy joke).

And thank goodness the rest of the finalists were pretty credible too. The other two girls who got in, Jessea Thyidor and Olinda Cho were amazing too, and I did really feel proud to watch a show of that kind of standard coming from humble Singapore with its limited gene pool.

What I DID NOT like were the judges, and here I have to agree with Sweet. Sometimes they just try to be biting and rude for the mere sake of making the show watchable. Today I found them completely superflous - not to belittle the efforts of the other contestants, but a deaf monkey (hey, it's just a figure of speech) could tell who the top three would have been. Florence Lian and Ken Lim were decent enough, but Douglas O and Dick Lee fell into that trap becoming wannabe but will-never-be Simon Cowells. Don't just keep telling people they suck when you put them in the top thirty in the first place. Don't harp on stupid things like reminding them how much hard work goes into being a singer, don't you think they've shown you how hard they've worked already? None of them looked anything but diciplined and HUNGRY to me.

That's it, I guess. Company tutorial beckons.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:00 pm
[2 photographs developed.]

Wednesday, 25th August '04

Dengue Fever, Meningitis, Brain Tumours. What Else You Got For Me?

I don't care if this sounds cryptic / mysterious / angry / depressed / spoilt / uncaring / whiny. And I'm going to just be incoherent and rambly and ranty because I think that's my most natural state right now.

To begin with, I'm helplessly annoyed with the creaking machinery that is my body. How is it possible to be consuming such vast amounts of paracetamol (Panadol to you non-medicine-students / folks without medically inclined parents), and yet have a bloody fever that resurges everytime the medicine wears off? I can't even say I'm truely truely ill because once I slam in the pills everything is alright for about hour-long stretches at a time. I'll be stiff and cranky, but I'll have no throat or nose problems. Even the fever will go down to normal body temperature, but IT WILL ALWAYS COME BACK. Along with a headache that orbits my head and spins me right round (baby, right round, for you Billy Idol fans). It'll pound along with metronom-ic consistency, either along to the rhythm of my heartbeat or the music I'm listening to, until the next time two little white round tablets find their way down my oesophagus.

And because the fever's pretty high and not going away, Dad had to take my blood today. Results: heightened WBC count (well, whaddaya know?) and most likely viral fever. Which means there's nothing for it but to wait for the blasted things to just spontaneously die. Dad thinks I might even have a wierd kind of dengue (which, according to Uncle James my family doc, has been emerging in quite a lot of atypical variants, lately). Mum was even better - she suspected meningitis, and freaked Uncle James out by telling him about the headaches (true enough) and my stiff neck. But hey, EVERYTHING is stiff, and I'm not sure if it's the illness or the Sunday's mad rehearsals that caused it. I'm just going to throw in the possibility of a brain tumour, while I'm at it. Just to get myself mentally prepared.

And the mess this prolonged absence from society is creating! I haven't a clue where the Property and Company lectures are at now, and I have a tutorial due tomorrow for which I'm supposed to present an answer to a question. Now how am I supposed to do that if I'm not there? I'm also supposed to submit my statute orders, which Siyuan has been kind enough to let me do tomorrow - but again, how to if I'm not even going to be there tomorrow?? Add that to the fact that I'm feeling like crap for not going for the Jeffrey's-item rehearsal on tuesday, and for not being able to help out with the DE auditions today like I promised I would. And guess what? Most likely I won't be able to help out tomorrow EITHER. And Mel has just messaged to say that they really do need the manpower tomorrow. YARGH.

And somewhere at the back of my mind I know all these concerns are so bloody insignificant compared to the bigger things in the world.

Speaking of which, I haven't go the deal with the obession over the National Day Rally Speech. No offence to anyone who loved it or tacked it up to their bedroom walls, but a quick perusal of the highlights didn't seem to suggest it was any different from any other year's speech. No doubt it was something to watch out for, there being a new PM and all, and if for now we assume that it IS important to be in the loop of current affairs, but really, what did it say that set it so far apart from any of then PM Goh's speeches in the past? And really, why would anyone want to spend a perfectly happy Sunday night watching something like that when one could just download the full text and go through it in half the time the next day - a Monday, by the way, a day much better suited to doing dreary stuff like that.

And remember I mentioned earlier on that it would only be assumed that it is important to know one's current affairs? I might as well say it here and now and get it off my chest - I hate current affairs, I hate newspapers, and I hate things that require me to think about progress and the fact that I'm part of the generation (and the so-called intellectual elite) that is supposed to carry our country into the glorious future. Yes, I think I'm decently patriotic, but I'm apathetic and nothing I can say to deny it will change that. Funnily enough, though surrounded by people who are either bonded to the governement / statutory boards or have great plans for their future in some way or another, I've managed to stay the chthonic little miscreant that I am. Like the chthonic people, I've got no concept of time as a linear entity (oh, help, here comes all my comparative legal studies waffle again). I like things the way they are, I don't really care much for new-fangled inventions or new ways of doing things... I'm more concerned with maintaining my happiness in the here and now. And as for being the next generation of leaders... since there are so many people who'd love to do it, why not let them? I can just sit back and take it easy. Do what I like.

Now you know why I'm not ever likely to be scholarship material. The ONLY problem I see is that I'm not going to be likely to make enough money to sustain the doing of what I like.

We now take a short break for me to advertise the latest song I've gotten hooked onto. It'll be featured in next week's episode of the O.C. and it's called "Love of the Loveless" by the Eels. It's just so soothing and deadpan funny.

Right. I've just checked my email and been flooded with a whole bunch of incensed sounding mails between various individuals, one of whom is a friend of mine, and another one being someone who I don't personally know, but happens to be on the mailing list somehow. So no prizes for guessing who's side I'm on. What I can never accept about some people is how they have no appreciation for the efforts of others. It's something that's been bugging me since earlier this year - strangely enough at crucial points of every production I've been in. Why can't some people just see beyond themselves and their own conveniences for a minute and consider the effort that some others have put in. Why can't they just think for just one second before writing something hurtful in a blog / email, something insulting or something just plain rude - with no purpose of being constructive at all? Everytime I hear people bitching and complaining about how something isn't the way they like it, it's always because they were subject to some minor inconvenience in comparison to a major difficulty someone else would have to suffer to take that little inconvenience off their hands.

And finally I'd like to talk about death. Not in a funny Terry Pratchett way, but real death as it is in the real world. I don't think one ever knows what's it's like to be exposed to death until it happens to oneself. Personally I've been confronted by too many deaths of late. And each time it happens I don't know what to do, and I don't understand how I feel in relation to it. Why did I cry so much over Rio when he's just a dog, and why do I not think that I would feel half as upset if my grandfather left us? Why do I know how it is to experience a loss, but have nothing left to say when my friend tells me about hers? How is it that I want to help and yet feel so helpless. "Secrets" was theraputic in its own sense, and it (quite timely too) taught me to explore and handle the theme within me. But I'm still not good at it.

That's it, i guess. Thanks for reading this far.

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

-- Damien Rice, "Cannonball"

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:53 pm
[2 photographs developed.]

Tuesday, 24th August '04

Oh Dear. The Things I Do When I'm At Home Sick.


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en ying snapped a shot of life @ 12:39 pm
[5 photographs developed.]

Sunday, 22nd August '04

You Might As Well Have Hit Me Over The Head With A Sledgehammer

Cannot make it lah. I'm totally bushwhacked. I have done absolutely no work this weekend - the handful of CLT pages I read while waiting for Qiong at Starbucks doesn't count - and I feel so old. BUT, we have a nice dance for all that trauma.

Note number 1: 10am is bloody early for a rehearsal to start. Especially if you spent the night before staying up to 2am watching the next couple of episodes of the O.C. (wich are riveting, to say the least).

Note number 2: I'm creaky as heck. I swing my right arm in a backward circle and I can hear the krak-krak-krraaakk sounds that come from it. Not good.

Note number 3: Apart from the solo / duet girls, the rest of us are finally dancing. A bit. I'm not complaining... but we must have looked pretty murderous - enough for Jeffrey to think that we'd scold him if he didn't give us something to do in a hurry.

Note number 4: Despite feeling happy with how the past rehearsals have gone (read: I didn't screw up, wasn't too slow on the uptake, and either we started performing a lot better or Jeffery got over his moodiness from the past week and is now being more than amicable again - do NOT let me start a dissertation on how dance people tend to have mood swings more often than the reasonable man), 10 hours of dancing, 2 salmon sushis, 1 california handroll, a handful of oreos, 1 can of 100plus and about 3 litres of water later, I feel like a walking disaster. I don't know how I managed to bruise myself in so many places (ok, maybe the fact that I kicked a wall in the course of the dance might explain a few things). Jeffrey's aversion to dance soles / ballet shoes / legwarmers (ok fine, I don't like legwarmers much either) have also resulted in feet that no longer wish to remain at the supporting underside of my entire body wieght.

Note number 5: Vintage suitcases are quite cool props. If only very expensive to rent. And heavy to lug around the stage. And painful to bump into with orh-cheh-ed knees

Note number 6: Cindy makes struggling moves look really good. But that's why she's a full time dancer, I suppose. Her MDC stories are rather entertaining too.

Note number 7: This unfortunate sentence structure is going to persist till the end of the entry, I'm afraid.

Note number 8: My castmates are so damn disciplined. *whistles* They never stop practicing... Jeffrey says take a break, they go rehearse somemore satisfied. Spoil market only... haha. *points accusing finger at Sarah Hoe*. What would I do without her to drag me up and make me work harder?

Note number 9: Vetting went quite decently, and we managed to pat-pat-there-there-sayang Zaini's temper with all the items we showed today. This year's Next Wave will really be quite a visual feast... but not as much as emotional ride as it could have been lah. Depressive pieces as usual take quite a strong hold of things... and the only happy item we have is Ryan's. It's quite amazing what a different style Ryan and Jeffrey have, for being brothers and all that. I also really liked Zaki's, because, well, it was cool in a wierd Zaki way... and he really does have a flair for exhilarating pieces. Albert's item is beyond me and his dancers are really really stretched to the max in terms of stamina and sustainance... and Xujie's item is SO anti-convention it's slightly scary. And I guess that's as much as I can say to whet my readers' appetite without giving the whole game away.

Therefore: come watch! Come!

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 10:24 pm
[6 photographs developed.]

Thursday, 19th August '04


It's late I know, but I'm too estatic to knock off right now.

Hoogie won! Hoogie won!


What a race it was... the 100m Men's Freestyle. I forgot to breathe over the last 50m all the way to the time Pieter van de Hooganband got out of the pool. Literally. I really thought he was going to miss it, the South African runner-up had a HUGE HUGE lead going into the last lap. To Schoeman's credit, he had a miraculous start off the block. A shock wave went through the stadium when after the sub-surface butterfly kicks he popped up so so far ahead. Out of nowhere, really.

Then Hoogie caught up, and I still can't figure out how he did it over the span of 30m. The difference was at least a body length... we all know Hoogie has bad bad starts. And it was so freaking close over the last 20m the commentator actually announced the wrong result because you just couldn't tell who finished in the midst of all the white water. 58.17s to 58.23s. A 0.06 second difference. And the roar he let out when the scoreboard flashed his name made me want to roar along with him - if it wasn't past 1:30am (with me surreptitiously glued to the goggle box in the living room, certainly against Mum's better advice) and I wasn't already winded from lack of breathing.

Thorpe came in third.

Now that's the kind of thing you sacrifice your Property Law tutorial for. satisfied

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 02:44 am
[3 photographs developed.]

Sunday, 15th August '04

Resolutions For A New Year

Can you believe it's only the second week of school (which hasn't techically even started), and I'm as high-strung as a... well, what's high-strung to you?

And so, I've come up with a few rules to sort out my life, for the next month or so at least. I'm not in the habit of making New Year's resolutions, really, so now's as good a time as any. For the next couple of weeks, or at least until the Olympic swimming / gymnastics season is over, I will ONLY, in no particular order:
1) Study
2) Dance
3) Watch the Olympics
4) Sleep
5) Swim, if so inspired. Though, the way Jeffrey's rehearsals are going, it's not likely I will have the energy.
6) Blog minimally, just enough so that I don't alienate the people for whom I depend on blogging to keep in touch with.
7) Pray... for all the people who need it.

This means no aimless chatting, downloading, aimless TV watching (problem being that all my TV watching has aims... and a lot of them), stoning and other soft addictions. No more expensive lunches out that end up in me sitting and chatting. Time for some discipline.

Oh yes, and a final word: CONGRATS to Ave and Ben (Low) (did you two notice that if you put your initials together, you get BA? LIke, half of BABA? - Yes, I obviously haven't slept enough recently) on a well-run DoubleYellowLine. The only time there was parking and it didn't keep going was for tuning... but we all know that can't be helped.

In summary for those who missed it - you poor buggers - here's what I learnt about the local music scene. Morien Tea Estate is an impressive local band, excellent arrangments, and the best live band vocals I ever heard. Good repetoire, and always entertaining, and I very much appreciated the way they didn't try to blast our ears out the way a good number of young bands do. The Leaven Trait has Ben drumming like a madman, and I could only possibly mean that in a good way. I'd put him at least on par with RJ's Max and Jason Chiang... but we all know Ave has good taste. TLT left a bit to be desired in terms of vocals though. Kate of Kale has tight arrangements, but are not to my taste. I don't know much about punk rock, but I'm thinking if by the third song I have decided that all their songs sound the same, well, that's not good. I thought the vocals had an interesting quality, and the bassist does good back-ups and Chester Benington-esque screams, but since I'm so much a lyrics type person, I was constantly irked by the fact that the lead vocalist swallowed most of his lyrics. Gloria is also a pretty decent band musically, but they're best appreciated with one's eyes closed. Sorry if I offend anyone... but I just didn't like John and Jason's faces. And really, those two had stage patter only a mother could love - all put together, it made me want to "punch their f***ing faces", to quote the MC, Eugene (yeah, Eye for a Guy Eugene). And I'm one of those prudes that doesn't appreciate guitar-smashing or swinging unless the smasher / swinger really has enough sei to carry it off. If not, that's just sad.

And with that, it's now time to get back to company law.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 10:48 pm
[7 photographs developed.]

Saturday, 14th August '04

Bruised, But Really Quite Happy

Alright now, where do I really start? It's pretty late and I'm getting woozy... sleepy

Most recent things first, I guess. Had my first rehearsal for my "Next Wave" item today (considering that I skipped the real first rehearsal on Saturday because I was just dying from lack of sleep), and am pretty much a wide-eyed kid all over again. I think I've mentioned before that Dance Ensemble is about the most professional performance group I've ever been in. TNS' TFYE aside (which came with a new standard of its own), I've never been expected to just execute backbreaking ballet steps on the spot with precision just like that before. Even in TFYE there was this sense of TC, Serena, Audrey and Mei etc. always looking out for us, and teaching us what to do if things went wrong. We were supposed to be of a higher standard than an average youth drama group, but ultimately we were still taken care of as students of a craft. Not in Jeffrey's rehearsal. Jeffrey was always the patient friendly dude (more on him later), but somehow I felt like the standard I was held to was that of the trained professional dancer. The instructions were not phrased as "let's try this, can you do that? Alright, I'll show you how", but rather as "do this, then do that, and I shouldn't need to tell you to point your toes and stretch those knees". And I've been lucky enough that for the most part, I've been able to do the required stuff, bruises and aching arms nonwithstanding.

It's both intimidating and gratifying (more the latter than the former, for now at least), to be held in such esteem by such an established choregrapher / dancer. Of course, given that my other castmates have way more experience, are much better than I, and some are even dance instructors themselves, my role in the dance is rather minimal and chorus-y. Still, I'm feeling like it's the biggest show I've ever been involved in. The comsumate professionalism of the rest of the cast in coming on time, and doing full out performances at each run is just so inspiring as well.

Haha, and then, of course, there's Jeffrey the choreographer (here's En Ying being reduced to wide-eyed kid again). It's like... wow. Jeffrey Tan, sia! Maybe a bit of history here... I think I've been watching this guy dance the lead in like EVERY local ballet show I've ever seen. I also think I've done my fair bit of waxing lyrical about him (Tzo would know), in my young silly secondary school days - possibly because I was utterly awed by the way he got so bloody good when he started dancing only at about 20, because he's the only Singapore Dance Theatre dancer who has enough stage presence to capture my attention everytime he dances (En Ying normally being someone who CANNOT appreciate ballet in its pure form), and simply because he's quite some eye-candy. No, smubbies dear, he's DEFINITELY too old for me. Like, Jeffrey Tan leh!! hehe I got cast in his dance?? *faints* And he's great to work with too... hasn't got any of that bad tempered-impatient-gay quality that characterises so many local choreographers. He wears baggy polo tees and cut-off khaki cargos to rehearsal. He shaves properly. He makes jokes that are actually funny. He treats us like equals and doesn't worry about hiding his mistakes from us. He tells us never to do full pordebra arms because that's "too ballet for [him]". Now that scores high in my cool metre. Did I mention he's even better to watch close up than on stage, and his choreo is damn good. Yes, this is me, minorly star-struck.

I guess the only gripe I have about the dance is that it's a theme I've had it up to here *slashes hand violently across throat* with. Entrapment, caught in a web of torment, lots of crying. It's like... reminiscent of "Fear", my role in "Quest" and "Secrets" even.

And I'm also happy because I got to meet the 401 people quite frequently in the past week or so... we had one crazy night at Sketches (I'm sorry, guys, I just HAD to sing when those cheesy retro songs came on, I mean, they were playing "Square Rooms"!), and one sniffley afternoon shopping and eating waffles with Qiong and Gerri.

And I'm happy because my school timetable is a neat one, Liang Ying is my Property and Company Law class again, I know at least two people well enough to hang out with them in my Advocacy Class, I have so far done all my reading for Comparative Legal Traditions on time, and have not be bowled over by concepts of companys and shares (although I'm still not sure I will survive the rest of the year). There's currently no homework save for a small Company Law tutorial for Monday, there is no more Legal Writing, and the Olympics are starting in five minutes.

If you need more reasons, the Presentation post-production party is on tomorrow, I have a huge number of new mp3s to add to my collection, and Qiong has given me more Queer Eye episodes. My period is also rapidly drying up.

What's not to love? LOL I love counting my blessings. There are just so many when you know where to look.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 12:46 am
[3 photographs developed.]

Monday, 9th August '04

Aaja Aaja Aaja Aaja Aaja Aaja Aa!

Hahaha, we kicked glutus maximus! I wasn't so sure we were going to win and Med Fac had one helluva alluring presentation too... the gingerbread men nearly killed me - they were so damn cute - but we did it! Muahaha. We punched solar plexus, poked conjuntiva and everything else.

The whole affair was just amazing... after all the nagging and the rehearsals and the sleepless nights sewing and hammering and doing makeup (urgh, if anyone even tries to tell me that spreading a creamy substance over a half-naked male body is kinky, I will just tell you I've had enough of it already... c.f. the orange coloured archer boys. Gold hair, on the other hand, is pretty darned cool - 'coz I designed it, no less. Heh), the dancers were splendid, Arvin (as the narrator) was more Indian than Indian, Steve the serpent actually moved like a serpent... and I at the sound booth was jumping like a jackrabbit with sheer exicitment. Buzzing like neon doesn't quite cover it. After the item poor Charmaine Lim was crying with pride at seeing Steve do his thing... the seniors were running around hugging everyone... it was madness and it was oh so exhilarating.

Needless to say, as we piled into the audience stand to await the results the atmosphere got more than a little more crazy. We had a Mambo Night right then and there in the middle of the day, thanks to the NUS DJ Club's choice of songs like Bon Jovi's "It's My Life" and Abba's "Dancing Queen". And this bloke from Eusoff actually jumped onto a table and started doing all the right moves... I swear he's one of those Bengs at Zouke who stand on the podium and para-para the night away... The Law people, on the other hand, had nothing to rival that performance, and contented ourselves with jubilant screeching and over-enthusiastic bopping as and when we felt like it.

And because it's hard to convey accurately a sense of the adrenaline charge that was coursing through all our veins as we pulled off what we had been waiting an eternity to do... here are some pictures.

Brilliant, no?

Oh, and before I go to bed and wake up to another dreary semester of student-hood... I had one last inane MSN conversation with Dage:

heng hwa~~NDP was spectacular! says:
hey...wad little boys
its u girls who got school lor!!!not our fault
the whole world is online tonight! says:
nonono, see... rule no. one is that boys are always wrong
no matter what happens. yes, kai?
heng hwa~~NDP was spectacular! says:
rule one is throw stones at girls
rule two girls are always petty
rule three always steer clear of girls to avoid injuries
the whole world is online tonight! says:
*war cry*
*emerges with an arsenal of stone and other painful projectiles*
heng hwa~~NDP was spectacular! says:
*war cry X2*
the whole world is online tonight! says:
*hurls aforementioned projectiles at dage*
heng hwa~~NDP was spectacular! says:
wooden shield made from the best teak tree
hides behind shield
the whole world is online tonight! says:
*fierce attack*
*shield shatters*
heng hwa~~NDP was spectacular! says:
i roll i roll
dodge and dive
gives a silly grin

girls are stun
the whole world is online tonight! says:
*shouts: u can run but u can't hide!!*
heng hwa~~NDP was spectacular! says:
immobilise for a few seconds
the whole world is online tonight! says:
heng hwa~~NDP was spectacular! says:
i have escaped!
run to make a call to jov..
for help...hahahaha

It's no wonder they say that girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:48 pm
[3 photographs developed.]