Friday, 31st August '07
Lips of an Angel
My new song to obsess about. Heard it on the radio again and it stuck. Video is a bit cheesy, but that's perfectly forgivable because (lo and behold) we have the impossibly adorable Emmanuelle Chiriqui playing the titular angel.
Two entries in a row I remark on her royal loveliness. A pure coincidence, I went looking for this video because of Hinder, and I found her anyway.
If I had a brother I would make him marry her. FYI, she's also completely voyeurable on IMDB; the video credit, however, isn't. But grainy as the video is, I'm pretty sure I'm seeing right. Oh it's her alright.
Honey why am I sleeping so late?
[1 photograph developed.]
Sunday, 26th August '07
Chicken Soup for the Entourage Viewer's Soul
Things I learnt from Entourage, or more specifically, Ari Gold.
This entry was inspired by the recent discovery that Shuang and Jongsy have fallen hard for the same uncouth, yet unfailingly witty Ari Gold (played by Jeremy Piven), and think Sloan (Emanuelle Chiquiri) is the most gorgeous female alive.
I know this entry (by nature of its contents), is going to cause me to suffer about a million undesirable, pornographic spam comments. But what the heck. This is a somewhat unorthodox show - a male Sex and the City, as it were - but one thing that I've recently discovered, is that there are a myriad of tiny little life lessons hidden in the dialogue. Frankly, I do truly believe these comments are the truth about life, and I've even found myself jotting a couple down in my diary to ponder at a later date. If you think about the quotes, you could make a rather meaningful self-help book of it.
It's both a pity they're obscured in such horrible language, and yet it's great they they managed to humanise some abstract ideas in humorous examples.
On to THE LESSONS
(All quotes from Ari Gold unless otherwise indicated.)
Life in General
All you need to know about current affairs these days.
"We're at code red every time the President has a loose stool."
That no one really has it all.
"The point is that he is an insecure fuck. Like all beautiful, been-handed-everything-on-a-silver-platter people."
You can't be perfect, so don't beat yourself up about it.
"Lloyd: Ari, swear to me you will never say anything offensive to me about my race or my sexual orientation.
Ari: I can't swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after."
Always have all your facts straight before committing to anything.
"Lunch is on me - provided that, Joyce, you still have your stomach stapled."
"Youíve been bangin' every girl west of Sapova the past six months. Just pick the one skank thatís gonna photograph well and be done with it."
Be grateful for small mercies.
"I parted the Red Sea for you. Don't piss on the sand."
Never let a drunk male friend use your newly renovated bathroom.
You know what happens when guys get drunk. They piss and they miss. -- Johnny "Drama" Chase
Why you really shouldn't complain about your job when, hey, you chose to do it...
"Eric: Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C'mon, the guy's not even Hispanic.
Ari Gold: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend."
... and the importance, in any job, of paying your dues and waiting for your turn to shine.
"Eric: All right, I got it. So what if Cruise passes?
Ari: Then they go to Brad Pitt. He passes, they go to Keanu Reeves, and on down the list.
Eric: Where is Vince on that list?
Ari: He ain't on the list.
Eric: Well, how do we get him on the list?
Ari: You do 'Aquaman', you stupid fuck."
The importance of creative thinking.
"Ari: From now on, ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants.
Eric: How'd you know that?
Ari: 'Cause I know all. And I could have told you that this would end badly. Now I gotta to fire her so you don't feel weird.
Eric: No. Don't fire her.
Ari: Alright. Well, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits."
It can be lonely at the top.
"Everyone wants to kill the king. But the prince, he just sails along telling all the ladies, 'One day I'm gonna be king.'" -- Vincent Chase (Adrian Grenier)
How to strategically plan.
"We get them wet with Vince and I guarantee they will fuck us. We blow our load with Bob and we may not even get our balls tickled."
Every task should be tackled with the utmost conviction.
"Knock off the hippie shit, strap on a helmet, and start shooting. This is Malibu, Emily. I want you to storm that beach like it's fucking Normandy."
Double-check your sources of information
"Where did you hear that, Friendster?"
Make hay while the sun shines.
[When Eric hesitates after being offered a threesome by his girlfriend and her best friend] "When opportunity knocks, let her the fuck in. And for God's sake, let her go down on your girlfriend." -- Johnny "Drama" Chase
In the end, results DO count.
"In this life there are no asterisks. Only score boards. And ours is currently reading 'FUCKED'."
In real life, no one likes his job. Stop trying to like yours.
"I have work to do. I have hundreds of clients to deal with and just so we're clear, I don't care about any of them. They're all just a number like wife #1 and therapist #7. Good day."
And yes, all bosses are evil.
"Itīs called aging, Terrance. Not everyone can stay young by sucking the blood of their employees."
Friends and Relationships
Why a girl shouldn't ask be whiny and ask too much of her man's time, and why she shouldn't complain that he works too much.
"You can have [my time] if you want to live in Agora fucking hills, and go to group therapy. But if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday."
How to tell it like it is.
"Tell Drama he's on the top of my list of things to do today, along with inserting needles in my cock."
The truth about human nature.
"It's like high school. You can't fuck the prom queen until she finds out her best friend jerked you off underneath the bleachers."
-- Note: this is about the crudest way to put it, but I found myself jumping up and down in perfect empathy with the idea behind this one.
The importance of appreciating what you have.
"Nobody appreciates their girlfriend. Until they get herpes from the next broad." -- Johnny "Drama" Chase (Kevin Dillion)
No one likes a wise-ass.
"How to answer a question without a question. Basic Humanity 101."
Never write anyone off. You will need him someday.
"Lloyd, go home and grab your best dress and please know that your love for cock is finally going to be an asset to this company."
Why you always need friends of your own age.
"You guys ever hear of a hanging chad? [A bunch of high schoolers stare blankly] ... where the fuck am I?"
If all else fails, you'll feel better after you let of some steam.
"You self-righteous, black-balling, cunt bag, bitch, motherfucker, asshole, fuck face."
[2 photographs developed.]
Tuesday, 21st August '07
Just Call Me Little Miss Chuckles
First off, a small apology to anyone who's been waiting for the entry that's taken a long time to come. I have to admit, the recent onset of pupillage and PLC (the postgraduate Practical Law Course) has taken its toll. It's a matter that has both made me feel better about myself and worse - on one hand, I can now claim to be one of those snobby elitist sorts that brush off the blogging phenomenon with condescending remarks like "oh, I'm too busy to waste my time on that stupid fad". Don't get me wrong, it's nice to think that having less time for frivolous pursuits makes me a little more adult-like. You know, as if having to sacrifice a pleasure of childhood / studenthood somehow makes me more mature. A push in the direction of grown-up nobility, if you will. Plus, there's that little problem of confidentiality and lawyer-client privilege that started to pervade my day to day encounters.
On the other hand, I lament the fact that I no longer have the energy to find the humour (read: blogworthiness) in daily life. It's like a sort of dreary bumbling along that I'm terrified will rob me of what youthful spirit I have left even before age numerically catches up with me.
Of the two schools of thought, the latter scares me more. So here I am blogging away again with a vengeance. Or trying to, anyway.
So here are some thoughts on a few things:
I really don't like to be one to criticise destructively, but I can't help feeling something needs to be done about the abysmal way this course is administered. Of course, this could well be the griping of another lazy student, who's too narrowminded to see how them leaving us to flounder along like little flummoxed fishies is supposed to make me a better lawyer. But somehow I doubt it.
The sheer lack of coherence in many aspects of instruction leave me so confused. Ok, forget confused - I get angry. I get the feeling the whole sorry affair lacks some understanding of the rule of law - you can't go around penalising people for not giving you things you don't tell them to give you. You can't set deadlines to be met, when meeting those deadlines is contingent on the student receiving certain information that you don't give them until after the deadline has passed. It's just not done, and it saddens me to think that this is the way the controlling exam to the admission of our bar is administered. Passing the bar is supposed to be this emotional, prestigious thing; something to take pride in. But if and when I pass this, I will probably only feel that I did it by sheer luck. If I don't pass, also a luck problem. I could only feel proud of passing it if I know what's expected of me and feel like I used my intellect to achieve the result. There's no way I could ever get that here. It's all so arbitrary. Depressing, really.
And I make a half-resolution to myself: if I ever stick it out long enough in this profession, my first act of community service will be to get involved in revamping the administration of this course. In a way, it's little wonder the course is such a mess if the practitioners don't take it seriously enough to get involved and "change the world", as it were.
The silver lining in this dark cloud, however, is that it gives me inspiration for some good MSN nicknames. Thanks Han, for your "best MSN nicks" award
The Next Wave
Another matter of *sarcastic smile* "the chuckles". I love the cast in my item, and the genre is an exciting new one. But this process choreography is unsettling for everyone, and if left uncontrolled is going to lead to the dancers being antsy and having little faith in the person in charge. I don't know enough to say more, suffice to say that as someone who's been in an administrative position in a production, I'm guessing the vibe the cast is giving off is a dangerous one. A choreographer can't afford to lose the cast's confidence like this.
Feelings on this topic come in a mixed bag. On one hand this is the most terribly exciting (and expensive) thing that's happened in my life in at least the last decade. Looking at blueprints and strolling around furniture shops, all manner of ambitious decorating plans spring to mind. Yet Mum and I are THIS close to losing confidence in the designer. She expresses herself poorly, has a really warped sense of measurement - terrifying if you consider that she's the one making all those scale drawings - and seriously seems to like the colour beige. Beige, by the way, is a colour I have very little respect for, seeing that it's potentially the most cop-out colour there is. It doesn't dare to be white or brown or anything strong and assertive. It's just there, the colour of stale oatmeal, forming an insipid backdrop that I will not have in my house. The designer also tends to like to tell me how to think, or to try to pit Mum against me, which is never a wise choice. Plus, she makes changes without informing us, presents us with a moronically drafted contract that looks like something they would give us to correct in drafting class, and is all 'round annoying. Urgh. Tensions run high.
Ok. Venting over. The upside is that in the last two months I've discovered great new music, books and movies. Mammoth review to come in an entry soon enough. And there you will see me as my usual, bubbling over with enthusiasm self. I hope. For tonight, despondent grumpiness is all I can muster.
[2 photographs developed.]