Sunday, 30th November '03

Alright. Friendster It Is.

To everyone I promised I would get the darn Friendster after my exams - yeah, I have. Now we can knock ourselves out. Add me.

I now also know why people wind up spending so long on Friendster. It loads bloody slowly, that's why.

I supposed I'll be back with my views on the conflict between the notions of "Friendster helps me get in touch with all my friends" and "Friendster is nothing but an ego trip which builds nothing but superficial friendships". But give me a while to figure out how it all works. The chances are, as moderately as En Ying goes, that I'm likely to subscribe to a hybrid belief.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 08:11 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Saturday, 29th November '03

Guys... You Know What? I Think I Split My Pants.

I can just see the look on Limin's face right now. Or Lucas', since I've been diaoing him about spliting his pants dancing the Izaeus. I can also predict a tag from Tzo will soon say "muahahaha" (Which, now that I've predicted it out here, will obviously become a self-fulfilling prophecy).

But anyway, yesh, that's what came flying out of my mouth about 15 minutes before the house was due to open for the 8pm '3' show. Can you beat that? Aaarrrrrrrgggghhhh. Good timing, sia. And it wasn't even the seam that burst. The CLOTH tore, for the love of Mike. One thought: never buy cheapsale jeans. There's a reason things that go for half-price are going for half-price. And thanks, Ave, for making us do those warm-up squats. *wink* But seriously, I would up wearing Yan's jeans for the show and major gratitude goes out to all the people running around to save my ass some dignity. Literally. Tasha and Yan especially... *hug*. Now let no one say En Ying doesn't know how to laugh at herself.

The next thing - to everyone who came - THANK YOU!!! Really did mean a lot that you guys came... =) On top of everything else going on in your life! Kai, Dre, Jia, Hanting, Alex, Windstorm Wong, Liang (Ying and Si), Mich, Eva, Serbee... I didn't miss anyone, right? *hug*

Now on to the actual musing. Tzo says I'm in a love-hate relationship with the TFYE and I think she's right, but I can't help saying I'm fantastically glad today went well. I mean, we've so so so so much more to learn, but I think we came together at the end and put up something more than credible. Of course TC's "bag o' tricks" was invaluable but if we didn't at least take some ownership it wouldn't have been what it was today. Come to think of it, it's my first full length production and I can't wait for M1. Well. In the interests of truth, my exams will probably die but... yeah Tzo, I'm suicidal.

And I think things ended on a good note for the year... at least all the people in '3' are pretty bonded now, despite all the internal strife we've gone through... *grin*. At the very least we can all sit and sing stupid songs ("there she goooeeeesss..."), rap Limp Bizkit / Eminem / Shaggy / Linkin Park and make mutally understandable private jokes *koffakunakbakarbulukertiakkaukoff*... And we've spent so much time together I'm beginning to worry about us. I still can't understand why I had a dream about Siti digging up the black box with a Changkol...

And we got the M1 rehearsal schedule today. Two words: HOLY COW. I'm gonna have to pull out of all the KR sports, it looks like. The schedule will clash with IHG and trainings like crap, it will.

Alrighty then! Off to watch Who's Line Is It Anyway. Night y'all.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:58 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Monday, 24th November '03

Contract Mindmaps

*images pending

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 02:51 am
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Friday, 21st November '03

More Than I Can Chew

Congratulations, En Ying. You've gone and done it again. But this time you've screwed it up even worse. Well done.

The last time I have felt panic like this was in J1. Before the first ever common test and while experiencing the stresses of council life for the first time. This is not my usual pre-function pre-exam I-know-I've-put-in-the-required-work-and-I-am-just-freaking-out-coz-it's-what-I-do type of panic. Hell no. It's I-honestly-cannot-finish-what-I-need-to-do-oh-God-help-me type of panic. I know I told myself then if I could get through that I could get through anything. I'm beginning to feel pretty unsure about that now.

And it's sad for me too that I want to whine and rant at someone but I can no longer find anyone to rant to. The used to be people who shared my traumas... in 401, in the 21st... all going through the exact same thing. The same papers, the wame external workload. Not anymore. No one's going to emphatize in quite the same way. It doesn't mean I don't have friends who care and won't try their absolute hardest and do all they can and more to try and comfort me, tell me I'm fine and I'm a hardworking person and all that kind of stuff. I do and they will. And I love them for it. I just don't want to bother them to do it now, since I don't know how busy they are now, what kind of stresses they're going through etc..

So I'm left with this here musings page.

Yeah, once again I've bitten of more than I can chew. Too many things at KR, school work, TFYE - that's a particularly irritating bit. It looked like just a little at the start, now it's swollen to gargantuan proportions and well, it's a bit overwhelming lah.

But I can take it. Don't anyone panic. I know I can.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 06:03 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Tuesday, 18th November '03

There Was a Time

When people were accountable for their actions.

When people would come when they said they would.

When people who didn't come had a reason not to.

When people who didn't have a reason were at least embarrassed enough to pretend they did.

When events started on time.

When people remembered that other people's time was precious too.

When people who wasted other people's time apologised for being late and tried not to do it again.

When people took pride in their work.

When people even did their work.

When people didn't make promises unless they meant them.

When people who made promises kept them.

When people knew what they needed to know.

When people who didn't know what they needed to know tried to find it out.

When people who didn't try to find out felt bad about it.

When people didn't take their rights for granted.

When people didn't take their privileges for granted.

When people tried not to criticise other people's actions.

When people who criticised other people's actions took care not to do the same things themselves.

When people who were criticised listened, reflected, but took it with a pinch of salt.

When people who were criticised listened.

When people respected authority.

When people understood that a position of authority is an awful one to be in.

When people didn't resort to name-calling to make a point.

When people with no discipline looked at people who had it and tried to better themselves.

When people with no discipline didn't try to pull people who had it down to their level.

When people cared that their actions had a domino effect on everyone else.

When people cared. Period.


I'm an old stick in the mud.

I haven't caught up with the times.

This is the new world order.

I won't care too much too soon.

It's all just too tiring.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 12:00 am
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Saturday, 15th November '03


Warning: unhealthy amounts of insider jokes coming. I spend too much time with TFYE-ers, it seems.

Just thought my nice concerned readers (read: Ave *wink* Yes girl, you are pretty. REALLY.) might like to know how the Singapore Legal System Exam is coming along. In which case, raise your line of sight a bit and take a lookie at the title again. Geddit? Geddit.

Ok lah, in all fairness it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I have some semblance of an outline and have written almost 2000 words about nothing. wink I've got a question on a topic I sort of like - note the use of the words "sort of" because there isn't anything I really like about SLS. SaLeS, SouLS, SLaveS, Sungei Lembut Sikat, SiLoSo... oh what the heck. See what happens when you study too hard and drink vodka and ridiculously overpriced fruit juice.

Ok, I'm going to get back to work now. Irritating someone-who-lives-in-my-HDB-block has picked a fine time to try and drill holes in his wall. Let me catch him and I will... *vicious grin*... burn his armpit hair.

Yeah, I'd write down the Malay version if I could spell it.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 10:15 am
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Tuesday, 11th November '03


We should really stop starting our rehearsals one hour late. And today's started late for the absurdest of reasons - because we were all waiting in the wrong place. Argh. The vicissitudes of life. At least we've got it worked out now. I think.

So this was another one of those wierd rehearsals which aren't even rehearsals, really (read: more improv work and character building). But today went pretty well, all things considered and for the first time I think I've managed to understand EN without judging her. Normally I think she's silly and bitchy, haha. But this time she was a complete human... and it was nice to be able to make her mistakes, her jokes, her decisions on the spot without really thinking about how it'd reflect on me or her... oh dear, words fail me. But it did hit (for a limited while) a stage of being her without acting her. Which, again, was nice. You know how those big shot actors say things like how much acting gives you a chance to learn about people and learn about yourself? It's like while I was scrabbling away at EN's psyche she actually turned around and showed me something new about her and about me. Creepy, huh? But I'm sure TC would say this is just the tip of the iceberg and I'd believe him.

And it's wierd how character building work can raise so many inconsistencies in a character. Like how FIT is only 2nd to 3rd circle of friends close to EN but will do so much more for her than REL, who is 1st circle close. And how the last improv between EN and REL got completely reversed - my conclusion is that they're the oddest pair of best friends ever. If I were a neutral bystander I'd just tell them to freaking get together and be done with it - they have such neurotic (oh gee, I'm judging again) hang ups about each other - but then again I know EN and REL also think that's the stupidest idea in the world, and they truly believe it. And how I could learn about FITEN (our shorthand for the relationship between FIT and EN) while playing in the capacity of RELEN (yeah, you know what this is). Humans are contradictory creatures, that's all I can say.

Mugging wise wasn't all that fantastic lah. Good rehearsal plus finishing of the first skim-thorough-real-quick reading of the SLS textbook didn't give me much incentive to pia too hard for the rest of the day. Haha, and Ave and I got so fed up and saturated we wound up doing really inane things like vandalising each other's organisers, waving madly at Sharon, TC and Natalie as they were driving off (at 9.30pm, no less), and buying "contraband food" from the mama shop and walking around MPCC to finish it just so we could go back into Starbucks later. Oh yeah, and chalking up goodwill with the barrista at Starbucks so we can sit in there longer next year (M1 Rehearsals).

A sampling of Ave's "art". Check out the bits that say "Ave is pretty. REALLY!!!" and "Isaac is a strange boy". At the risk of making a really bad pun, I'll say this: Oh Man!

And right now, I must really go mug. Combined rehearsal tomorrow. Argh.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 11:37 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Monday, 10th November '03

I Shouldn't Be Doing This

Something I wrote while mugging. Somehow Singapore Legal System has this way of tiring me out like nothing I've ever studied before. Except Physics, lah. Don't be critical, it was just random scrawling... and I really shouldn't have been doing this. Mug girl, mug. No time.

"One tiny wooden table. Three wooden chairs. I'm sitting on one, posterior beginning to protest its prolonged inaction. My bag's on another. The last chair merely exists there by a stroke of pure chance. A weary sketcher-clad foot hangs upon the last chair, blatent defience of the societal norm that dictates a woman's feet should stay placed on the ground when she sits.

Ears aching from the phones mercilessly shoved into pinnas. "My J.T. now whatcha got for me?". Poor Mr J.T.'s helium howls are interrupted by nasal whining that is the jazzy house music. Attempts to block out the aforementioned jazzy house music fail miserably. Sunshine streams in from the window I'm sitting next too. The outside view shows me more of Tao Nan School than I ever want to see. Welcome to my study world for today.

Flashback to the morning, orange-highlighted text conspires with white paper to blind my eyes. Infernal SLS textbook perched precariously on one knee, I gaze into the distance hoping for my red Mercedes with the number 30 on its forehead to take me away from the horror I'm inflicting on myself. No bus. Other commuters walk by, espie the textbook and shoot me sympathetic half-smiles. They move on. Seeya, wouldn't wanna be ya.

The person a table away has borrowed a book I've been wanting to read since the beginning of the year. If the SLS textbook had legs it up and jog over to me, reminding me of the very reason I'm here. Roll your tongue back into your mouth. Stop drooling; start studying.

The thought of which roughly plucks me from my reverie. I'm still on the same chair, but my feet are back on the ground - in more ways than one. Back to the books. It's going to be, as they always say, a long day."

Rather amusing day, this. Went back to school to find that I didn't quite need to go back to school. Came to TNS for rehearsal, came early, hung around mugging a bit. Went into rehearsal room, greeting Sharon, Sean and Su-lin on the way. Hung around more. Got a bunch of confusing SMSes and phone calls. Total effect of which = rehearsal cancelled. Errol has tuition. Small voice in my head goes *WTF*. But you all know I'll never really say that out loud. Oh well, more time to mug I guess. I trot back out the way I came, evidently looking suitably pissed off for Sharon and Sean to offer me vodka. Back out to Starbucks to mug. Eventually I'm joined by Ave. Heh, we have fun making each other into decadent bums. Hehhhh. Rehearsal shifted till tomorrow. I don't know what to think about that. Urgh. We need to bloody learn to communicate.

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 10:38 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

Monday, 3rd November '03

Character Building

As you can see, I'm fast running out of clever-sounding titles. But I'm always doing my musing at odd hours of the night / morning... I can't quite keep track anymore. And I have so little time to worry about things like this... I just need to get this bit down so I can go to sleep.

*Sigh* I'm probably being counterproductive by doing this since tomorrow will be another heck of a day and I ought to be asleep. Winston and Jia know what happens when I don't get enough sleep. I'll pumpkinfy. But I'll just do a quick journal entry on what we covered at the TNS today.

I guess today could be otherwise known as "How To Make Errol My Best Friend" day. *hefty sigh*. It's not like I have any objections to character builidng, but it's so hard to do. Yes, I know, theatre, like life, was never meant to be easy and I think TC was really great for putting us through that. He says even he was "chuan" (Chinese for panting) when we were done, but I think we really drove him nuts. Heck, he drove us nuts too. =) I swear, if it had gone on any longer, I would've started crying... getting told for two straight hours that you're bloody irritating, get out, f*** off... It doesn't do much for your ego even if you know it's all fictional. And there're only so many times you can ask a fella about his chemistry prac and how he flunked it gloriously, talk to me, I want to be your friend, are you even my friend etc etc before you start feeling extraordinarily silly and needy.

If all that above doesn't make much sense to you at this moment, just know we had a two hour improvisational fight between best friends. Angela, Tzo and Lucas and any other Drama Fest person who knows what I mean, you can liken it to a very very extended and painful "what car do you drive?" - "Nissan Sunny" - session. And all poor Beck, our director, could do was watch helplessly and feel sorry for us.

But like I said before, I'm really thankful TC made us do that. At least, disturbed and as emotionally exhausted as I was after that, I learn something about my character, EN (how imaginative. *grin at Beck*) and her relationship with REL.

So just to outline some stuff before I forget:

Facts about EN and REL.

* Both are in RJC Med Fac.
* They both think Bio rocks.
* Both play basketball - she's the girls' captain, he's the guys' captain
* They first met in bbal in JC1, they were nominted to organise a joint outing for the entire team, and this was at Marche.
* They tried to matchmake their respective teammates, Gerald and Genevieve, and those two got together. This took a lot of mutual correspondence by phone.
* G&G broke up, E&R's plans to get them back together failed, and backfired. E&R now being matchmade by the entire team.
* This caused a problem between them. EN didn't care, REL avoided her for a while. EN got insecure about the friendship.
* BIG BLOW UP sparked by REL's flunking his chemistry practical. Ended on an ugly note and has yet to be resolved.

Facts about REL.

* He's also in the school debate team. And apart from studies, is generally an all rounder.
* He hates chemistry.
* He's 18 now.
* He thinks EN is sporty, very smart, doesn't need to mug for A's.
* He consults EN primarily for opinions on his hair, his pierced body parts and trivial things like that. It drives her nuts that he can't talk to her about anything that really matters to him.
* He claims to be Mr Whatever.
* He doesn't pander to fashion, he has his own style. He thinks she does too.
* He has a huge crush on a girl called Rebecca and idolises Cecilia Cheung.
* He thinks she's in love with Clay Aiken.
* He's fiercely independant, he doesn't care what people think about him, he has this teddy bear from his grandmother that he even brings to lectures.

Facts about EN.

* She's 18.
* She's more a mugger than REL knows, and she works damn hard for what she wants.
* She's a dancer. (These last two points are just put in to make EN's school life more whole.)
* She thinks REL is funny, smart, generally a nice guy, but not the kind, caring sort she would rather be in a relationship with. She enjoys his company, but at times she finds him wierd and a little immature. His ego is sometimes a little intolerable.
* She hates physics.
* She's insecure, she prices friendship very very highly. Even to a somewhat unusual extent.
* She's hopelessly stubborn and will not listen to reason if it doesn't instinctively feel right.
* She wants to feel loved. Not in a romantic sort of way, but it's more like she wants to love herself. She doesn't care too much about what other people think of her, but it's very very very important to her that she can think of herself and like herself. And she does this by reflecting herself off of her friends.
* She's very competitive, and has this hidden thing about beating the people around her.
* She's been mistaken for a lesbian. Because she hasn't decided that she likes REL even after spending a dispproportionate time with him. (In the same way he's thought to be gay.)
* She's not homophobic, but she will be slightly disturbed by unusual relationships actually unfolding before her.
* She's usually logical, systematic.
* She hates confrontation. No, she hates fights and being angry with people. She would prefer to talk things out.

I think I've gone on a bit too long for now. At least I've given the stuff some thought now. We'll see what happens in "How To Make Fit My Lesbian Lover" day. *wink*

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 09:54 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]

No More Research Binder!

After three harrowing weeks of ploughing through treatises, wading through endless cases, memorising fact patterns, writing summaries, rewriting summaries, formatting, typing, photocopying, and hearing the words "equitable breach of confidence", "public interest disclosure", "Lion Laboratories v. Evans and Others" way way WAAAAYYY too many times, the time has come. It has come, I tell you.

The moment of release. The moment of joy. The moment of pure euphoria.

Let me qualify that last statement - it was just for effect. I still have exams and Singapore Legal System is one digusting topic. But back to our regularly scheduled programme...

I have handed in the research binder. I think it weighed more than the amount of rice I consume in a month. But I don't care. It's in and I will never have to look at it again...

Until the moots. But I'll live for the moment, yeah?

en ying snapped a shot of life @ 05:32 pm
[well, the pictures aren't going to take themselves!]